Uncomfortable Joy

On Tuesday, I spent a lovely half hour or so speaking with a local television reporter. The reason for the conversation was an announcement I had made to my congregation just a few days prior. It was the announcement that I will refuse to sign any and all marriage licenses until marriage equality becomes a reality in California. When I made this announcement to my congregation, and in the many months of deep reflection that led to my decision, I hadn't thought about it being particularly newsworthy.


I have been interviewed a few times in the past year when the Prop 8 issue was hot and heavy. I traveled to the state capital and testified before lawmakers on behalf of the couples and families whose lives and relationships were being threatened. I spoke at a rally after the election when so many of us, gay and straight alike, were trying to copy with the pain of loss. Most recently, I agreed to serve on a statewide Marriage Equality Leadership Team steering committee. That is when I began to examine and question my actions as someone with the authority and power to sign marriage licenses; to validate a relationship between two loving individuals.

My decision to announce my personal 'protest' was not made lightly. As I shared with my congregation, taking the step out of my comfort zone wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. But the risk I took in making such a decision, and then making such a public announcement, pales in comparison with others who have taken risks to stand on the side of love.

The news reporter seems to think that this is indeed an important story to share and I am grateful for his interest. I can only hope that I made it clear to him, as well as to others with whom I've shared my decision, that my primary motive was not to change minds about marriage equality. I realize that may sound odd, but it was not my primary motive. If, as a result of my decision and perhaps as a result of someone hearing about it through this television interview, minds are changed, that would be a wonderful benefit. But my primary motive was about integrity and authenticity.

I was ordained as a minister in the Unitarian Universalist faith. It is a faith tradition with an incredibly rich heritage and history of women and men who have taken risks to speak out against injustice and who have taught me that compassion and respect are values to be lived and shared. That faith calls me to stand on the side of love. It does not call me to sit on the sidelines in my rocking chair of comfort. I am called to stand on the side of love no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it might be. How can I live my faith fully and answer that call if I continue to sign marriage licenses as an agent of a state that practices discrimination and oppression? Simply said, I cannot.


There is joy in my decision, as uncomfortable as it was to make it, and as uncomfortable as it may prove to be in the coming months. I know that there will be couples who will go elsewhere for an marriage officiant, either because of the inconvenience of having the county clerk sign their license or because they do not agree that all of our brothers and sisters deserve marriage equality. I know that there will be some members of my congregation who will disagree with my decision. There is another truth that I know. That truth says that in order to be true to my call as a Unitarian Universalist minister I need to walk the talk and take a stand.


I choose to stand on the side of love. I choose the uncomfortable joy.

Sweet days of Autumn!

There is nothing like a beautiful drive to Julian, California, to bring immense joy to my life! Autumn has always been my favorite season, and living in San Diego has made it a bit challenging to reconnect with the season I love and associate with the smell of burning leaves and crackling logs in the fireplace; the taste of fresh apple cider; the sight of jolly orange pumpkins and speckled gourds; the feel of crispness in the air. This is where a drive to Julian comes in order.



I've been sitting around lately with my mysterious illness that is supposedly Epstein Barr virus, and longing for the energy that Autumn usually brings me. Even in San Diego, where the seasons are football, baseball, basketball, and you-name-it-ball, the air does change slightly and I convince myself that Autumn is here. But today I needed a jumpstart in the joy department and so convinced my husband, son, and dog, to take a drive. It didn't take much convincing. We all needed a little Autumnal joy! It was slightly thrilling to pack our jackets in the car as we headed out. All four of us excited at the thought of what was awaiting us just an hour away.


It never ceases to amaze me. Nature, that is. I will be the first to admit that I'm not really much of what you would call an outdoorsy type. But I can fully appreciate, and be completely awed at, the wondrous beauty of the mountains and the magnificence of the foliage. It is the natural world of earth, wind, fire, and air that inspires me to a place of joy and gratitude. I am grateful to be feeling better than I did a week ago and find joy in knowing that I will feel even better two weeks from now. I knew all along that I would feel better eventually; that I would return to the congregation that I love; that I am so blessed to have a loving family and caring friends. I knew it somewhere deep in my being and yet it took today's trip to the little mining town of Julian, for me to claim it.



May you be blessed with the inspiration and joy of nature in this season of Autumn, wherever you might live. Joy from Julian!