Monday, January 25, 2010

Prop 8 isn't over!




If you haven't already read "The Conservative Case for Marriage Equality" in Newsweek magazine, please do so.  It doesn't matter whether you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian, religiously progressive or conservative.  This is an article worth reading. 

www.newsweek.com/id/229957

Living in California, and as a minister with the authority to sign marriage licenses, I feel very invested in the Prop 8 trial and the struggle for marriage equality that affects so many same sex couples and their families.  I have blogged about this issue before, have made a public stand and refuse to sign any marriage license until there is marriage equality in this state.  I have also contributed my time and my finances to the cause.  For every social justice issue that we face, each of us needs to reflect on our own heart and act in a way that demonstrates our best self - a person of compassion and respect.  Each and every one of us is called by our best selves to do whatever it is that we are capable of doing.  The marriage equality issue is no exception.

The struggle is difficult and there is fear, anger, and confusion on both sides of the issue.  But the bottom line is not a biblical passage taken out of context or a particular religious persuasion.  The bottom line is that each and every citizen of this country are afforded fundamental rights by way our our country's consitution.  From the article mentioned:  "The United States Supreme Court has repeatedly held that marriage is one of the most fundamental rights that we have as Americans under our Constitution. It is an expression of our desire to create a social partnership, to live and share life's joys and burdens with the person we love, and to form a lasting bond and a social identity. The Supreme Court has said that marriage is a part of the Constitution's protections of liberty, privacy, freedom of association, and spiritual identification. In short, the right to marry helps us to define ourselves and our place in a community. Without it, there can be no true equality under the law."

You can keep an eye on the Prop 8 trial by following the Prop 8 Trial Tracker: http://prop8trialtracker.com/

Social change is never easy work.  It never happens overnight and it never happens without some discomfort, frustration, and at least a few tears.  But there is joy in change, and I look forward to the day when I can join my sisters and brothers in joyful celebration of marriage equality!

Let me hear from you.  I would appreciate reading your comments on the article and this post.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Aching Hearts

It is hard to imagine living in abject poverty.  It's hard for most of us, that is.  It's even harder to imagine that in that life of poverty the ground shakes, the earth shifts, and a deeper devastation becomes reality.  To see the coverage, to hear the stories, to feel the loss of the Haitian people is nothing less than heart breaking.  I do wonder how people like Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh are considered fully human when it appears by their actions and their speech that a heart is not to be found within them.  To belittle, mock, and dismiss our sisters and brothers who are suffering incredible loss is nothing short of shameful.  On a very different level, my heart aches with sorrow for Robertson and Limbaugh.  But this post is not about the heartless! 


Sitting in sorrow and bemoaning the tragedy  of Haiti may be understandable, but that time is over.  Sitting and bemoaning is no longer an option.  It is time to act, to do, to be people of compassion and hope.  Each of us can do something.  Even my fifteen-year-old son was able to text on his phone and give $10 to help.  Can the rest of us not do at least the same?

Joy is not found in seeing anyone suffer.  Joy is not found in sending soap or water or money.  Joy is in living with compassion and hope that is deep enough to be shared infinitely. 

I'd love to hear how you are responding to the plight of our Haitian sisters and brothers.  Share your thoughts and share your joy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

A Time to Lean (excerpted and adapted from 1/10/10 sermon)

 “It doesn’t interest me how old you are…I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it…It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.”   from The Journey by Oriah Mountain Dreamer



Loss is a common experience.  Everyone has experienced loss at some point, on some level, in their lives. I can imagine preaching several months' worth of sermons on the topic of loss/grief!  There are numerous losses that are not literal, physical deaths: divorce, job loss, financial crisis, relocation, health crisis, etc.  I was struck by something I read recently that asserted every loss is a death of sorts and we need to allow ourselves to grieve. I couldn't agree more.  Indeed, grief is the normal, natural and necessary inner experience of loss.  And in the best possible scenario, each person will grieve in a way that is normal and natural and necessary for their healing.

While it is quite interesting that some recent research has argued against the well-known stages of loss identified by Dr. Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining,  depression, acceptance, what is important to remember is that it is possible to pass through each stage more than once, and even be in more than one stage at a time. Grief is not a cut and dry process.  Grief is rarely neat and tidy; more often messy and complex.  I love what Unitarian Universalist minister, Christine Robinson, says about grief - "Perhaps it's about finding a new normal."

I would posit that none of us can make it on our own, most especially in times of loss and grief. We need each other to help us keep things in perspective and remind us what matters most.  This is a huge part of being in a religious community.  I did say "religious" community, not a social club, neighborhood group, or other type of community, as worthwhile as all of those may be.  Consider the definition of religion by a much respected Unitarian Universalist Statesman (my term of endearment for him) whose death just a few months ago deeply affected many people, the Rev. Forrest Church:  "Religion is our human response to the dual reality of being alive and knowing we will die."   Being part of a religious community such as the one that I am privileged to serve means engaging with each other in a process of responding to life, knowing that we won't have it forever.  We are a community of faith - trust -  that allows us to journey together in the questions, the uncertainty, love and hope.

While grieving is a journey, no one needs to be on that journey alone. Part of our healing is in the connection we experience with one another. The connection I speak of is an ability to lean on one another from time to time. In loss and grief there is a time to lean.  Religious community is more than just a shoulder to cry on or a meal delivered. A religious community can give those things and encourage you to continue your journey.
There will undoubtedly come a time when each of us will lean and when each of us will in turn let others lean upon us.  This is what it means to be fully human.

One of my dear seminary professors, the Rev. Dr. William Murry,  has said, "To be human is to know loss, and, indeed the more fully human we are, the more loss we will know and the deeper we will feel the losses for the more we love and care, the more we have to lose.” Those who do not have the blessing of a religious community in their lives may not be cognizant of the reality that to be human – to be fully human – means knowing loss while realizing strength by the gift of leaning on one another.   In this knowledge and in this experience there is joy.

That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief without dying
I went closer, and I did not die.
Surely God had His hand in this, as well as friends.
Still, I was bent, and my laughter, as the poet said, was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel (brave even among lions),“It’s not the weight you carry but how you carry it – books, bricks, grief – it’s all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it when you cannot, and would not, put it down.”
So I went practicing. Have you noticed? Have you heard the laughter that comes, now and again, out of my startled mouth?
How I linger to admire, admire, admire the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe also troubled – roses in the wind, the sea geese on the steep waves, a love to which there is no reply? "

(written by poet Mary Oliver after the death of her partner of over forty years)

May we all find the courage to touch the center of our sorrow and be with it for the time it needs us to. May we all have faith that healing will come.  May we grieve our losses and may we have the strength to lean.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Pushmi-Pullyu Epiphany (from today's sermon)

A world-renowned veterinarian, who speaks a wide array of animal languages, including Dodo and unicorn, starts off from his home in Puddleby-on-the-Marsh, England, in search of the Great Pink Sea Snail. The Great Pink Sea Snail is an amazing creature you could actually ride inside! In his adventures, the vet and his friends meet other amazing and exotic creatures like the Giant Moon Moth and the Pushmi-Pullyu. I am referring to Dr. Doolittle - my favorite movie as a child. I saw the film when I was just five years old and it has remained a favorite film; a delightful mix of fantasy and reality. I’m pretty sure the reason I’ve always loved it so was because I’ve never been a big fan of cartoons and animation. I like to watch “real” people and animals, albeit the Dr. Doolittle story is much more fantasy than reality!



But I don’t know why my favorite animal was the Pushmi-Pullyu. If you’re not familiar, the Pushmi-Pullyu was an imaginary creature resembling a llama or an antelope, but with a head at both ends. I have often felt like the Pushmi-Pullyu in my life. Being pushed one way and yet pulled in the opposite direction at the same time. Feeling as though my heart is being pushed and pulled in two different directions; not quite sure which of the two directions to follow, or which area to put my full energies to. I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m not alone in feeling this way. It’s interesting to note that in extended usage, the name ‘Pushmi-Pullyu’ is used to mean something which is ambivalent or incoherent. Wow, that’s not how I want to live this New Year, or start this new decade!

While I have no desire to continue the Pushmi-Pullyu dance of life in 2010, inevitably that’s what winds up happening – pushing some things away and yet pulling some things closer, all at the same time! The problem is that the Pushmi-Pullyu doesn’t get anywhere. With all the pushing and pulling, the Pushmi-Pullyu winds up right where it started because the pushing and pulling are too deeply entwined.

Life is indeed a dance. It is a dance of balance, of follow and lead, of spin, bow, bend. But perhaps it’s time to drop the Pushmi-Pullyu moves and try something new. It’s the dance that includes letting go before grabbing on. After all, from my life experience, I know it to be true that one can only hold as much as one is willing to let go of, in order to make room. What a great time for making room – the New Year.

And here we are on the first Sunday in 2010. In the Christian calendar the Feast of the Epiphany will be observed on Wednesday, Jan. 6. It will be the "Twelfth Day of Christmas", the last official day of the Christmas season (and you were breathing a sigh of relief thinking it was already over). Prepare yourselves as this is the day when your true love gives you "twelve drummers drumming"!

The epiphany comes from the biblical story familiar to many. It is the tale of the wise men, or magi, and it speaks of an awakening. Epiphany means the sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something; a sudden intuitive leap of understanding. For our lives today, epiphany is an ‘a-ha’ moment in our journey. Each year of our life offers us a new stretch of road to travel and the opportunity to experience epiphanies. Some of those epiphanies may arrive through much turmoil and struggle, crisis and loss. And some of those epiphanies may not seem so sudden at all. But we can’t experience the epiphanies in our lives if we choose to live as the Pushmi-Pullyu. We are guaranteed to miss the epiphany if we live with ambivalence or continue the old, familiar dance of push and pull; grabbing without also letting go.

I encourage you to spend some time in these first few days of the New Year pondering these questions: What new epiphany is waiting to be realized in your life right now? What do you need in order to reach out and grab what’s waiting for you? What do you need to change or end in order to make room in your life for the new to emerge? What do you need to let go of?

There is joy in the dance called life. May you find that joy, let go, grab on, and be blessed with epiphanies in 2010!