Good bye and good riddance!

I will admit it.  I'm doing the happy dance just thinking about 2009 leaving, and 2010 arriving!  Of course, I know there are lessons in all the crisis, and trauma, and ugliness, and sadness that was 2009.  Yes, I do know that there were times of joy and laughter, happiness and hope.  But I have never before felt so ready for a new year to begin; primarily because I can't wait to give the old year a swift kick out the door!

It's been a rough year for so many people that I know personally; family, friends, congregants, colleagues.  It's been a rough year for our country and for our planet.  2009 was a year I'll never forget but would never want to re-live.

And  here comes 2010!  It will likely hold some of the same sorrow and trials, but I'm hoping that I've learned a little something in 2009 that will help me to be a better person in 2010.  I'm hoping that what I have learned from the difficulties in 2009 will enable me to better handle the difficulties that may present themselves in 2010.  Is it too much to hope that others will have learned something too, and that they might also be better people and make better choices, and handle our interconnected lives with a bit more civility and compassion?  Don't get all cyncial on me now.  Let's say it together, "Yes, we can"!

There is joy is saying good bye to 2009.  There is even greater joy in saying hello to 2010, for the new year holds promise and possibility not yet experienced.

A congregant of mine sent out New Year's wishes that gave me a laugh.  I joyfully share with you: 
My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had, forget your home address!
In simple words ............ May 2010 be the best year of your life!!!

Time to chuckle

If you are in need of a good chuckle right now, check out the link below.

My family is happy to provide some laughs in this season that can be so stressful. Sometimes it's just plain old fun to laugh at yourself and feel like a kid again. We elf ourselves each year and this year we share our joyful silliness with you! Elf yourself and spread the joy!  http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/FB0F10JFhaTwFAC6

A light in the dark

Yesterday, I led a worship service that focused on the celebration of the Winter Solstice.  It never ceases to tickle my fancy when I share with the congregation that the origins of what most people call "Christmas" have pagan roots.  I enjoy reaching back into ancient history and connecting with those roots.  It is in the honoring and celebrating of the Winter solstice that I take time to consider the importance of darkness in my life.  This is a time when I embrace the darkness with full hope of the light returning.

I won't pretend that embracing the darkness is easy, or even 'enjoyable'.  The darkness can be painful.  It is loss, crisis, transition, turmoil, and uncertainty.  But the darkness is also a time for pause; for regrouping; for resting; possibly for re-evaluating life and what is truly important.  I am learning to embrace the darkness with faith that the light will return.  I have come to know, through my own dark times, that the light of love is never completely absent, even in the darkness.  It is germinating and gaining strength for the day when it will blossom once again.  That's what the holiday season is all about - the light of love ready to be born anew in our lives. 

Whether your celebration is about a baby named Jesus, or oil in a lamp, or the sun returning as the wheel of the year is turned, or any other number of special traditions and rituals, be not afraid of the dark.  Know that each and every one of us experiences darkness.  It has been a part of the life cycle since the beginning.  May the light of the holidays remind us all of the light of love that comes after the darkness; bringing us peace and opening the door to joy.

 

Tis the Season

     Tis the season to get overwhelmed!  That's what I say.  Or maybe that's just a good excuse for not posting to my blog in nearly a month.  Truth be told, I've been overwhelmed with much joy, in addition to the usual holiday stress. 
     Thanksgiving can be a difficult holiday when you've spent nearly forty years celebrating with lots of family and now it's just three around the table.  It's not that I'm not grateful.  I'm especially grateful that there are three of us to spend the holiday weekend together.  I'm grateful for the years of memories - Thanksgiving past.  I'm grateful to be healthy and able to make new memories.  But I'm also melancholy.  That's just the way it is.
     And now Christmas is nearing, with the solstice and other seasonal celebrations in between.  More to be grateful for.  More joy amid the chaos.  More opportunity to give to others.  Many of us give and receive many gifts at this time of year.  It starts with the gift of autumn and harvest and goes right into the new year.  Gifts of color in the leaves and landscape that delight our eyes.  Gifts of sweet and savory that delight our tongues and tummies.  Gifts of warmth that delight our chilled bones.  Gifts of harmonies that delight our ears.  Gifts that are exchanged, returned, re-gifted, and gifts that tickle our funny bone.  But the best gifts that we can receive and give are those that have no weight at all. 
     Here are the words about such gifts that have inspired my heart, from Richard Gilbert:
Gifts that matter have no weight. 
They are without substance.
Gifts that matter most are given to us by the Hand of Life in grace:
Moonlight on fresh-fallen snow,
Frost delicately etched on a window pane,
crackling fireside, bright because of who is there,
aromas of cooked food betokening a family feast,
reunion of those long separated,
memories of holidays past, gone but not forgotten,
anticipations of the new year yet to be,
gift-givers whom we love,
the gift of life itself.
Gifts that matter have no weight.

May each of us find joy in this season; giving and receiving gifts that have no weight!

When I Grow Up I Want To Be An Old Woman

I have always had an affinity for the elderly.  It's true.  Two of my best friends, when I was just seven years old, were elderly sisters who lived next door.  They would have been referred to as "spinsters", but to me they were facinating and, quite frankly, often more fun to be with then children my own age! 

In my congregation, if you are eighty years old, or older, you can attend a special tea that is held every few months for the church elders.  If you are lucky enough to be the partner of an elder, you can attend too!  It is a highlight of my ministry.  Hosting the Minister's Tea means setting a table of delectable goodies, planning singing or sharing or games, always having a couple of prizes to give away, and settling in for a very special afternoon of  fellowship with my heroes.  Being in the presence of such wisdom and incredible life stories is a gift beyond joy.  I ask myself, "How did I get to be so fortunate to be able to serve these women and men as their minister?" 

This may all sound a bit saccahrine, I know.  But if you were there......  If you sat at the table and sipped coffee or tea with these elders......   If you listened and watched as they shared the photos of themselves as youngsters.....   If you felt their sense of triumph as they told about turning points in their lives......  If you...  Well, all I can say is, when I grow up I want to be an old woman! 
My Granny is 81 and gorgeous!

I posted just a few days ago about grandparents and how much I miss mine that had passed away.  There is a connection with grandparents and the elders in my congregation that I have tea with.  There's a connection between each of us and those who have gone before us.  I often get so busy with 'life' that I lose sight of all the struggles and sacrifices, and lessons learned and dollars earned by those who have gone before me.  All that those elders who are still with me have done to pave the way.  I owe a debt of gratitude for so much joy in my life today that was paid in part by elders.  I will thank them with words.  I will thank them by holding their memory in my heart.  I will thank them by living my life as best I can and growing into an elder that inspires others as I have been inspired.  I will repay my debt by finding joy, living joyously, and sharing joy with others.

Thank you, my dear elder friends.

For the love of Grandma

Someone I know became a grandparent two weeks ago. Finally! She and her husband had been waiting for the day to come when their only child would have a child of her own and they would become beloved grandparents. I couldn't be happier for them! Yes, I love babies too! But this post is not about babies. It is about grandparents.

It was just a few weeks ago that I was thinking of my own grandparents. I have three who are no longer living, and one who is. I am one of the lucky ones - one of the lucky grandchildren who was provided opportunities to get to know and spend time with my grandparents as I was growing up. They didn't live close by and I didn't spend inordinate amounts of time with them, but the time that we spent together will forever be a part of my life. Even at forty-six years old, I miss my Papa and Grandmother & Grandad terribly. It's been years since they passed away but some days I find myself missing them to the point of tears. I love my Grandma and wish she lived closer. She is an inspiration to me - feisty even as she faces the sunset years of her life.

You see, a grandparent can be a very special person in a child's life. A grandparent's love is unique and precious. The wisdom and guidance that a grandparent can offer doesn't have to come from formal education, traveling the world, or socializing with the elite. My grandparents had little education, never traveled out of the country or very far from home, and lived what most people would consider a simple life.

I have always loved my grandparents, but never fully appreciated them until I became an adult. As an adult I began to understand the loving concern that my Grandmother had for me when she slipped little envelopes containing 'Dear Abby' columns about sex and relationships into my coat pocket. I began to understand the incredible work ethic that my Papa and Grandad had; working themselves to the point of exhaustion day after day in order to provide for their household. I began to understand that being Grandma didn't have to mean rocking in a chair and knitting. It could mean jumping on a trampoline and hanging from the monkey bars!

We are coming into the holiday season and I always have my grandparents in my mind and close to my heart at this time of year. Joy is having grandparents to love and to be loved by. Joy is having beautiful memories of grandparents whose lives help to shape your own. Hug your grandparent, call your grandparent, cherish the memories of your grandparent. Someday you might just have the honor of being a grandparent yourself! Be still my heart!

Uncomfortable Joy

On Tuesday, I spent a lovely half hour or so speaking with a local television reporter. The reason for the conversation was an announcement I had made to my congregation just a few days prior. It was the announcement that I will refuse to sign any and all marriage licenses until marriage equality becomes a reality in California. When I made this announcement to my congregation, and in the many months of deep reflection that led to my decision, I hadn't thought about it being particularly newsworthy.


I have been interviewed a few times in the past year when the Prop 8 issue was hot and heavy. I traveled to the state capital and testified before lawmakers on behalf of the couples and families whose lives and relationships were being threatened. I spoke at a rally after the election when so many of us, gay and straight alike, were trying to copy with the pain of loss. Most recently, I agreed to serve on a statewide Marriage Equality Leadership Team steering committee. That is when I began to examine and question my actions as someone with the authority and power to sign marriage licenses; to validate a relationship between two loving individuals.

My decision to announce my personal 'protest' was not made lightly. As I shared with my congregation, taking the step out of my comfort zone wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. But the risk I took in making such a decision, and then making such a public announcement, pales in comparison with others who have taken risks to stand on the side of love.

The news reporter seems to think that this is indeed an important story to share and I am grateful for his interest. I can only hope that I made it clear to him, as well as to others with whom I've shared my decision, that my primary motive was not to change minds about marriage equality. I realize that may sound odd, but it was not my primary motive. If, as a result of my decision and perhaps as a result of someone hearing about it through this television interview, minds are changed, that would be a wonderful benefit. But my primary motive was about integrity and authenticity.

I was ordained as a minister in the Unitarian Universalist faith. It is a faith tradition with an incredibly rich heritage and history of women and men who have taken risks to speak out against injustice and who have taught me that compassion and respect are values to be lived and shared. That faith calls me to stand on the side of love. It does not call me to sit on the sidelines in my rocking chair of comfort. I am called to stand on the side of love no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it might be. How can I live my faith fully and answer that call if I continue to sign marriage licenses as an agent of a state that practices discrimination and oppression? Simply said, I cannot.


There is joy in my decision, as uncomfortable as it was to make it, and as uncomfortable as it may prove to be in the coming months. I know that there will be couples who will go elsewhere for an marriage officiant, either because of the inconvenience of having the county clerk sign their license or because they do not agree that all of our brothers and sisters deserve marriage equality. I know that there will be some members of my congregation who will disagree with my decision. There is another truth that I know. That truth says that in order to be true to my call as a Unitarian Universalist minister I need to walk the talk and take a stand.


I choose to stand on the side of love. I choose the uncomfortable joy.

Sweet days of Autumn!

There is nothing like a beautiful drive to Julian, California, to bring immense joy to my life! Autumn has always been my favorite season, and living in San Diego has made it a bit challenging to reconnect with the season I love and associate with the smell of burning leaves and crackling logs in the fireplace; the taste of fresh apple cider; the sight of jolly orange pumpkins and speckled gourds; the feel of crispness in the air. This is where a drive to Julian comes in order.



I've been sitting around lately with my mysterious illness that is supposedly Epstein Barr virus, and longing for the energy that Autumn usually brings me. Even in San Diego, where the seasons are football, baseball, basketball, and you-name-it-ball, the air does change slightly and I convince myself that Autumn is here. But today I needed a jumpstart in the joy department and so convinced my husband, son, and dog, to take a drive. It didn't take much convincing. We all needed a little Autumnal joy! It was slightly thrilling to pack our jackets in the car as we headed out. All four of us excited at the thought of what was awaiting us just an hour away.


It never ceases to amaze me. Nature, that is. I will be the first to admit that I'm not really much of what you would call an outdoorsy type. But I can fully appreciate, and be completely awed at, the wondrous beauty of the mountains and the magnificence of the foliage. It is the natural world of earth, wind, fire, and air that inspires me to a place of joy and gratitude. I am grateful to be feeling better than I did a week ago and find joy in knowing that I will feel even better two weeks from now. I knew all along that I would feel better eventually; that I would return to the congregation that I love; that I am so blessed to have a loving family and caring friends. I knew it somewhere deep in my being and yet it took today's trip to the little mining town of Julian, for me to claim it.



May you be blessed with the inspiration and joy of nature in this season of Autumn, wherever you might live. Joy from Julian!

65 years and counting!

It's been a while since I last posted, but that's not because I haven't found any joy lately! On the contrary I've had much joy and been inspired by some lovely people, places, and things.


On Sept. 20th, my husband and I celebrated 17 years of marriage - 17 years of joy mixed with struggle, pain, and lots of laughter. We didn't do anything special on our anniversary. Well, I guess I should say that we didn't do anything special on our anniversary that was private or "all about us". We spent our anniversary doing some of the usual Sunday things that a minister's family does. But when the afternoon rolled around we prepared to celebrate - celebrate another anniversary far more auspicious than our own. A dear couple from my congregation was celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary and I was conducting a vow renewal ceremony at that celebration.


Imagine a 50-something, heavy-set belly dancer, fully & tastefully dressed senior hula dancers, a high school bag pipe player, guests wearing plastic leis and big smiles, a beautiful mountain view, and a wedding couple in matching flower print garb. Throw in various whimsical treats found throughout the house and grounds, like a little chocolate fountain in the kitchen, a bubble-blowing machine on the roof, an incredible Paddington Bear collection in the living room, a DJ playing 1940's tunes exclusively, various finger foods and lots of sangria, and you've got the makings for a very unique party!

The vow renewal was short and sweet and included the two grown daughters of the lovely couple. There were giggles from the gathered family and friends when I pronounced them "husband and wife for life", and the kiss (yes, the groom insisted on kissing the bride as part of the ceremony) was enough to make anyone smile with tears in their eyes.

Because of our ages, I know that my husband and I won't make it to 65 years, but we are so grateful for the 17 we've had already and the many more we hope to have. We were inspired by the celebration and vow renewal of our dear friends and we received the great gift of joy that day - our anniversary day - that we will always remember.

Isn't it remarkable how someone else's joy can be so contagious that you not only catch it, you can't wait to infect yet someone else?! Here's to infectious, contagious, beautiful, everlovin' joy!

History was made today!

AB1242, the Human Right to Water bill passed the CA state Senate today!

This is the first human right to water bill to ever make it through a state legislature in the US. This bill makes sure that all of our sisters and brothers in California have access to clean water. I did just a little work on lobbying for this bill through the Unitarian Universalist Legislative Ministry (UULM) of California. Some members of my congregation signed letters and many UUs have called their elected officials about this bill. What happened today is truly amazing. I am filled with joy to have been a part of this justice-making work. The bill will need approval of the Governor, so there's still work to be done. Check out UULM's website: uulmca.org
We can make a difference - every single one of us!

One year closer to 50!

Tomorrow marks 46 years that I have been a part of this world. Of course, that's 46 years of all kinds of joy, mixed with sorrow, confusion, anxiety, excitement, and occasional boredom! I've spent many years trying to recreate the "joy" that I felt as a child on my birthday. By that, I mean that I have bugged, nagged, and been a general nuisance to my husband and children; reminding them that my birthday was coming up, at least 2 weeks in advance. I made sure they knew the kind of cake I wanted and where to get it. This year is different. I've decided to enjoy my day as it unfolds, whatever it holds. And I must admit that I'm feeling good about it already!


Living in the moment sounds good, and may seem like an easy task. I've found it to be fairly difficult. I can imagine that there are probably many people like myself, who want life to look a certain way, feel a certain way, to the point that we expend inordinate amounts of energy and time on creating our 'ideal', only to miss out on so much of life's unexpected joys.

Birthdays are funny things. I know more people who say they dislike birthdays than those who say they like them. I know several people who claim, "I don't have birthdays anymore". Well, I've always loved them. No, I haven't "loved" getting older, but I love celebrations! And what better to celebrate than another year of life? But I do wonder how often people actually take time to reflect on what they've learned in the past year and what lessons they might take with them into the next year of life? I don't know that I've ever done that before. This year will be different. I will use this year's birthday lesson of letting go of expectations and enjoying life as it presents itself as a guide for my 47th year. Who knows? I might find even more joy in even more unexpected places!

The truth is that none of us knows how many more years we have to live. We don't know how many more birthdays we have to celebrate. May we enjoy, celebrate, and appreciate our life each day, each moment, each joy. Happy birthday to you!

Father Larry Lorenzoni: Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the
longest.

A dear friend and colleague posted the following video on Facebook. Thank you Fred! I didn't bother to look at it until today. I'm so glad I did. For me, it started out bizarre-scary, but then got to the point where I was laughing hysterically. That's a good thing!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6EYrqIn0yI

In difficult times, we need to laugh when we can.

Laughter brings me joy and this video just cracks me up.

Today it's difficult

This afternoon a congregant of mine died. While he wasn't in good health to start, this came rather suddenly and my heart has been heavy today. I grieve for his family. I grieve for the congregation, as this is the fourth death in just a few months time. Today it has been difficult to appreciate and embrace joy. It's not that it hasn't been there for me, it's just been difficult to reach out and grab it.

A sparkle of joy crept into my being this evening (I must have left the door open a tiny bit!) as I watched the local high school marching band practice their drill. Seeing nearly one hundred teenagers working so hard, with such amazingly positive attitudes, how could I not smile? Tonight I choose joy. Tomorrow may be just as difficult as today, but tonight I take a break from my grief and I choose joy - teenagers making music and marching with precision!

Joy and Sorrow

I found this great video the other day and posted it on Facebook. I hadn't thought much about posting it here, as I hadn't considered there being much joy connected with the video. As I've reflected on it, and gotten comments from others who have been touched by the video, I realize that once again this is an example of the sorrow and joy of life being linked together in ways that are not often obvious. Check out the video.

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3808

There is no joy in homelessness, but there is joy is being able to share a touching piece of art that may educate and inspire people to do something about homelessness. There is joy in knowing that this video was made with just $57 and yet won an award at a short film festival.

Opportunities to bring joy to others present themselves every day in our lives. Give someone a dollar or a cup of coffee, offer a smile or a hug, share a video!

Oh Baby!

A colleague of mine posted some pic.s on Facebook last week of his beautiful newborn son. Seeing the photos of him and his wife cradling and snuggling that precious little one brought me to tears. I am without a doubt a soppy sentimental soul, and babies get me every time! Joy, joy!

In honor of my colleague's new baby, another colleague's baby due in Sept., and a congregant's first grandchild due in Oct., I wanted to post a "cute baby" image here and came across these. Obviously, these are not a real babies. The headline I saw with this image was "Marzipan Babies". Marzipan babies? Marzipan: that almondy-strange-sweet paste. Really? There were comments that accompanied the images, talking about the amazing talent of the woman who created these 'sweet' little things. You've got to be kidding. Oh, sure, the artist is definitely talented. But marzipan?! As it turns out, the mini babies are not made of marzipan. That was just a hoax. They are actually made from polymer clay. Now that makes more sense. It was just too creepy to think that those adorable little dolls were edible. Can you just imagine?

There are days when I miss cradling my babies, now 22 and 15. You don't have to be a parent to realize just how special children are. They are our teachers as much as we are theirs, and at some point they are our leaders. Look into the eyes of children and you will see your future. Consider some of the enlightened teachers of the world's great religions, like Jesus and Buddha. Their stories start with them as children. Their births are heralded with religious observance, national holidays, and lots of hoopla. But in the words of Sophia Lyon Fahs, an inspiring leader in Unitarian religious education, "Every night a child is born is a holy night." Every night. Every child. That includes you and me too.

Joy, joy! Bring on the babies, hold the marzipan.

Welcome to the 'silly season'

We are officially in the 'silly season'. That's the time of year (mid to late summer) when ridiculously frivolous news stories abound as the more newsworthy events typically happen with less frequency. The silly season is a part of politics as well.

Have you seen the ad that chides President Obama for taking a vacation with his family? The same group of lovely people that created the swift boat ads created this ad. I saw it on MSNBC this morning. There are those who will claim the ad is really about voting down the proposed healthcare plan, and of course that is a large part of the message. But the obvious inference, even if not the primary intent, is that the president is foolish and careless to be vacationing right now.

Yes, I am annoyed, and even slightly angry about this ad and the sentiment that our president should not leave D.C. right now to spend some quality time with his family. Of course I want leaders who work hard, see tasks through to the end, and set an example of what it means to be committed and dedicated to their calling. But I also want leaders who make their family a priority, who see self care as a worthy practice, who set an example of what it means to have balance in your life. I'm not speaking of just our president, but of all those who serve as leaders; leading others by way of example.

It would be difficult to find anyone not hiding under a rock who wouldn't agree that this is a difficult time for our country. We're in the throes of a health care reform crisis (I have to call it such when people come armed to town hall meetings and bark out ridiculous claims of Nazism against those who favor the president's plan). We've got women and men in our armed forces dying in Iraq and Afghanistan. California's unemployment rate continues to climb. Racism is alive and well. I could go on and on. But realistically speaking, would there ever be a time when there is not a crisis of some sort, or there is nothing but peace, quiet, and harmony throughout the land? Only in my dreams! All the more reason that we need all of our leaders to take time now and again to rest their bodies, minds, and spirits; refresh and rejuvenate in order to return to the difficult work with a renewed strength. Balance the struggles, challenges, and disappointments with time for rest and joy. As a minister, this is what I do for myself and my congregation - take time to care for myself in order to better care for my people.

Please find time to work for balance in your life. Care for yourself and you will be able to better care for others. You may not be able to take a vacation to Martha's Vineyard next week, but you can find the joy in a small moment of rest for your body, mind, and spirit, and be grateful that you are not the president!

There's more joy somewhere - keeping looking!

Day 1!

Well, here it is. This is the first day, first post, first public musing from the Pulpit of Joy.

It isn't an easy task to find joy each and every day, but I do believe that it is possible. Yes, call me the cock-eyed optimist, but joy is there. It may be, and often is, in the simplest of what I might consider the mundane moments of my life, but it is nevertheless there.

With the healthcare crisis looming overhead and the vitriol that's being spewed about at Town Hall meetings across the country, finding joy can be like a game of hide-and-seek. It is important to be angry when injustice continues to rear its ugly head. It is understandable to be disappointed when trust has been compromised. It is perfectly normal, and healthy, to feel a sense of loss, sadness, and grief, when your life journey takes a turn in that direction. But it is equally important to find joy. Balance is the key to a life fulfilled. Now I do not have the best sense of balance. As far as the balance beam of life goes, I'm no Shawn Johnson - not even close. But I do know the importance of balance and I will continue to strive for it; seeking out joy in my everyday life.



As for today, let me share that there is joy in the five minute car ride with an almost fifteen-year-old young man when the conversation goes beyond grunts of agreement or eyerolling (yes, boys do the eyeroll too) of disagreement. It is pure joy when you hear a smile in your child's voice and see a smile in your child's eyes. That is joy and for that I am grateful.

More to come from the Pulpit of Joy!