Phoenix 2010

We are honored to stand on the side of love in Phoenix.

I will concede that it was an unusual way to spend three days of my vacation.  Unusual, but not in the least regrettable.  My husband and I decided to answer the call of my colleague, the Rev. Susan Fredrick-Gray, of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Phoenix, to stand, march, and witness events surrounding the enactment of SB1070.  Over the past several years I have participated in justice work related to marriage equality, the human right to water, and moral budgeting.  I've marched in parades, in protests, have lobbied elected officials, have phone banked, stood in silent witness, chanted while standing on corners of busy intersections, and attended town hall meetings.  All of the causes were important and all of the work changed me in some way.  But nothing compared to my time in Phoenix, now one week ago.

No, I was not arrested.  I was there from Wed. afternoon to early Fri. morning; participating in just a few of the planned activities.  Yes, it was stifling hot and humid, at times uncomfortable, intimidating, and alternately wearying and energizing.  I keep reminding myself that I was there, in the thick of things, for just a matter of hours!  I had a very small taste of what day-to-day living is like for many people in Arizona.  And let's face it, SB1070 is about much more than Arizona.  The people affected by our broken immigration system are all over our country.  They are residents and undocumented; men, women, and children; employers and employees.

The stories being shared by my friends, colleagues, and those whose names I don't know but who stood on the side love last week in Phoenix, are deeply moving.  I encourage you to visit uua.org and standingonthesideoflove.org to get a glimpse.  

Standing with my San Diego colleagues in Phoenix.

This is my experience in a nutshell.  Nearly one hundred of us (clergy and laity) gathered on Wed. afternoon.  It was a gathering of greeting, singing, sharing apprehensions, excitement, and learning how we might be effective over the next couple of days.  The training around civil disobedience was powerful.  I did not realize that entering the United States without having gone through the proper immigration procedures is not a crime. That's right.  It is not a crime punishable by our criminal justice system.  It is a civil offense.  I also had not known that along with SB1070 going into effect on July 29, albeit with some of the most offensive and oppressive pieces removed just a day earlier, some other interesting laws were enacted in Arizona on July 29:  you can now purchase liquor at 6am on Sundays, and there's no need for a permit to carry an unconcealed weapon!  Hm-m-m-m.  It was going to be an interesting couple of days.

Standing near the demonstrators in front of Arpaio's office.

Rev. Peter Morales, Pres. of the UUA stands in front of the county jail shortly before being arrested.

On Thurs. morning we marched alongside hundreds of people of all ages, colors, and backgrounds.  We made our way to the Wells Fargo building where Sheriff Joe Arpaio's office is located.  The first demonstration took place in the street in front of that building and I made my decision not get arrested but to witness and stand in support of those who did, and on behalf of those who are most directly affected by SB1070.  News media from all over the globe seemed to be everywhere I turned.  Police in riot gear started flocking to the scene of the demonstration and that's when I saw my former congregant, Mar Cardenas, arrested.  She wasn't part of the demonstration but had stepped into the street to take a picture.  As Mar is a Latina woman  I found myself greatly fearing for her safety.  My heart was racing.  She was the first of many of my friends and colleagues that would be arrested that day.   There were moments when I was overwhelmed with emotion as I imagined the terror felt by children whose undocumented parents are taken away from them; the law enforcement officials who struggle with the moral issues their job presents on a daily basis; the daunting work that needs to be done to open the hearts and minds of so many around this issue and all issues of social justice.

It was at the 4th Ave. County Jail where we arrived to intoxicating drumbeats and chanting coming from a group of young local protesters, and we witnessed another demonstration.  I saw my colleague, Rev. Susan, and our denominational president, Peter Morales, along with a handful of others, blocking an entrance to the jail.  At one point an Asian woman standing next to me asked if I would be willing to join her standing behind the demonstrators for a little while with our standing on the side of love signs.  I agreed and we did.  As my husband and I left the scene shortly before Susan, Peter, and the others were arrested we headed for our car and were thanked by two passersby on the sidewalk.  Neither of the two said anything other than "thank you:", but they each said it with a level of sincerity that left me with nothing to say.  I simply gave a nod.  I knew from that simple "thank you" that while our time in Phoenix was done our work must continue. 

I kept updated throughout the remainder of the day, and into the next, via Facebook posts.  We left Phoenix early on Fri. morning knowing that some of those we had marched and stood with had been released from jail, and others were still waiting to be arraigned.  My husband and I left Phoenix anxious to be safely back in our home; anxious to hug our teenage son and hold our family tight.  We talked about how blessed we are and how we must not forget that there is much work to be done by Anglo allies like ourselves. 

Some people have said there was victory in Judge Bolton's ruling.  I would say it is a small step in the right direction but to claim victory is to say "it's over".  It is not.  Some, like Sheriff Joe, according to the accounts of some of my colleagues, have said "Why are you here (Phoenix) risking arrest for a bunch of Mexicans?"  I would say those are my sisters and brothers and as a person of faith I am called to stand with and for those who are oppressed, vulnerable, and marginalized.   Some, like a few of my own relatives, have said "Standing on the side of love?  Love of what?  Lawlessness?"  I would say that standing on the side of love is about love for each and every one of us, for we all have inherent worth and dignity. And I would say, yes, the immigration system is in severe disrepair and desperately needs to be reformed.  But without a foundation of compassion and respect from which to work from, we are doomed to become a society of disposable people and hardened hearts. I can't help but wonder sometimes if we aren't already there. 

Because something is "the law" or legal doesn't make it moral. Can you say Jim Crow Laws and slave holding?  How about corporate financing of politicians?  Make no mistake, I do know that there are many sides to the immigration issue and many good people on those sides, but as I continue to choose to stand on the side of love,  I will also choose to show compassion and respect to those who disagree with me.

I was told recently, with regard to my involvement in the events in Phoenix, that "Love is not a solution. It's just an excuse for another agenda".  My response is that love is the only solution.   No excuses.  As a person of faith I am called to stand on the side of love today, tomorrow, and for all of my days.  What about you?  Christians, tell me what would Jesus do? And Buddhists, what would Buddha do? What would Krishna, Gandhi, or Chief Seattle do? 

There is more love, hope, and joy somewhere and I'm gonna keep on til I find it.

Holy Moments

You might not consider it a holy moment, being in a room with nearly 4,000 people. You might think it impossible to experience something holy browsing alongside several hundred other people in an exhibit hall filled with book distributors, representatives from theological schools, gift vendors galore, and more Unitarian Universalist affinity groups than I can even recall.  And yet, somehow it was.

Our lives are filled with holy moments.  Not all joyful, but most certainly holy.  If you're not familiar with the musical artist, Peter Mayer, or more specifically with his song Holy Now, check out the link to hear his voice and read the moving lyrics:

http://thegreatstory.org/video/holy-now.mp4       

I attend my denomination's annual General Assembly each year, arriving a few days early, along with other religious professionals (several hundred of us), before the thousands of laypersons arrive. It was in that time, during a beautiful worship service, that the idea of recognizing holy moments in our everyday lives was introduced. My colleagues and I reflected on the holy moments that we experience as ministers.  Like the time I rehearsed some music for a Sunday service with Richard & Elaine (my favorite old time musicians).  The three of us sat in the sanctuary on a quiet weekday morning for nearly two hours, just singing and singing. With Richard on his banjo, Elaine on guitar, and our voices melding together in sweetness and harmony.  It was a holy moment.  My colleagues and I also thought about the holy moments we experience in our lives outside the church – with family, in nature, the quiet respites.

The holy moments in our lives are all about connections; relationships with each other, with the stranger, with our mother earth, with our own souls and best selves. Our lives are filled with holy moments as we connect and deepen relationships. This isn't a new revelation for me.  It probably isn't new for you either.  Funny how it took a gathering in Minneapolis of nearly 4,000 Unitarian Universalists to reintroduce me to the idea that everything, everything, everything is holy now.   I'm spending time recognizing the lovely, challenging, painful, and joyful holy moments in my life - everyday.  What are some of the holy moments in your everyday life?

New Hope for Humanism

I've just about finished a book that I don't want to finish.  By that I mean that I don't want the book to end.  It's not a great novel or classic piece of literature.  It's "Good Without God" by Greg M. Epstein.  Is is the best book I've ever read?  No, definitely not.  I've read alot of really great books over the years but this book is particularly timely for our society, and has been timely for me personally as well.  This book brings me joy as it breathes a new breath of life into Humanism as a faith.  Yes, that's right, a faith!. 

At the Unitarian Universalist Association's General Assembly last month in Minneapolis, my husband and I (both avowed Humanists) had the pleasure of seeing and hearing Mr. Epstein speak about his book.  I picked up a copy of the book even before hearing him.  What peaked my interest was finding out that Greg Epstein is the Humanist chaplain at Harvard University.  Who knew?!   And what a fascinating and exciting concept. 

Just knowing that there is a growing group of young Humanists who, with the guidance of their chaplain, are engaging with one another and with those who are not Humanists, in acts of compassion to better the world, gives me new hope.  It gives me new and much needed hope for a Humanism that I have come to know through Unitarian Universalism.  I am deeply grateful for having discovered Humanism and being able to finally put a name to the faith I have embraced for so many years of my life.   Unfortunately though, that Humanism has, in my experience, been largely angry, overly cynical, dull, and crusty (and not like a loaf of fresh bread!).   It is a sad tale of unhappiness, and fear that Christianity is 'taking over' the denomination.   I am sorry to say that too many Humanists I have known have belittled their theist sisters & brothers; missing incredible opportunities to work together transforming the world, and maybe just being transformed in the process. 

Humanism is a faith that is alive and beautiful.  For me, Humanism is faith in humanity; celebrating our strengths and being humbled by our inadequacies.  It puts the onus on each and every one of us to make this world a place worth inhabiting.  It denies the supernatural but admits that we don't know everything.  This is the faith that speaks to me, challenges me, and sustains me.  I encourage theists and humanists alike to read Epstein's book, but especially the humanists.  Read it and smile!  Read it and be joyful in and about your faith!

Grep Epstein claims:  "Humanism offers a comfort and hope that affirms our ability to live ethical lives of personal fulfillment, aspiring together for the greater good of all."    Amen, chaplain.  And blessed be!

The Power Of A Hug

A dear couple from my congregation recently sent me a message that let me know they cared about me and were always available to give me a hug.  This message came just a couple of weeks after I formally announced my resignation as minister of the congregation.  It is a time of loss and grief for me and for many in the congregation, so you might imagine my joy at receiving such a message from congregants.  And then, embedded in the message was this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hN8CKwdosjE
Please take the time to watch it, or re-watch it if you've seen it before.  Send it to anyone you know who could use a hug and isn't in close enough proximity for you to give them a hug in person.  The power of a hug cannot be overstated.

It saddens me that because of sexual harrassment and fear of inappropriate touching our society is fast becoming hugless!  I'm not convinced that a hugless society is a safe society.  There's a plethora of scientific studies that proclaim the value and importance of human touch in the lives of those who live alone, those with disabilities, the elderly, and children.   We could all use a hug now and again! 

In seminary I was told that giving my congregants hugs was something I needed to be careful about.  I understand the reasoning behind the cautionary advice, and I am always aware of my role as minister, but I am not willing to be hugless.  I couldn't agree more that giving an unwanted hug is definitely not a good idea!  But from my experience, both personal and professional,  asking for permission either verbally or simply by opening your arms will most often result in a hug.  If a hand is extended I know that a hand-hug will have to do.
  
Joy can be found in connecting with another person and a simple hug has the potential and power to bring joy to life.  I plan to give and receive more hugs.  I'm not promising to stand in the town square with a "Free Hugs" sign, but you never know!

Give a hug today.  Feel the joy that a hug can bring!

Let It Go

So much to blog about - So little time!   This is simply my way of saying there is so much going on, with so many opportunities to find joy.  This is not to say that much of what seems to be "going on" in many of our lives feels chaotic, uncertain, or confusing.  Change is everywhere!   The big question is how do we handle change?  How do you handle change? 
In a recent sermon I spoke about change as transition, and the need to let go in order to be open to the possibilities that will present themselves as a result of change.  I didn't say that letting go was easy.  Letting go is a practice that requires intentionality and faith.  I'm referring to faith as trust - trust in your best self, trust in those you love, trust in the universe and whatever you consider the Great Mystery or Divine in your life.
One of the most common quotes used in situations of loss, change, and transition, comes from poet Mary Oliver:
To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it, and, when the times comes to let it go, to let it go.
I must admit that I am learning to let go.  It's a difficult practice for me, but I know that it is a necessary practice.  There is humility in letting go; a humility that most of us could use a little more of.  So many lessons in the practice of letting go.  I'd love to hear about your struggles and successes with letting go, change, and the opportunities that open through transition.
May you know joy in your letting go and on the other side of transition!

Juggling Life

Life is nothing short of a juggling act - a juggling act that begins when we are children, juggling friends, music lessons, sport practice, schoolwork.  That juggling act becomes more complex as we take on more roles and responsibilities.  Sometimes we feel like we’re juggling giant glass balls, or dangerously sharp knives, or huge fire torches.   The stress can seem overwhelming as we struggle to keep everything moving through the air.  We can’t let even one fall or there will be disaster – glass will shatter, knives will cut, fire will burn, someone will be hurt. And there are days, or weeks, or months, when we feel like the acrobat on the high wire juggling chain saws! Talk about a disaster waiting to happen. A popular website for jugglers has as its slogan: "Keep throwing up"! And that’s exactly what it feels like sometimes when we're in the throws (no pun intended) of juggling.

Let's face it, we will always juggle, whether it's just 2 balls or 20.  And so there is a deep need for balance in that juggling.  A need for balance in our lives.   The famous opera singer, Jessye Norman, has said "Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself."  I am working on that balance in my own life and know that it is no easy task.  It's a balance that can require big decisions and possible transitions.  The process of finding that balance can be painful in the short run.  I've never been fond of the catch phrase 'no pain no gain', and yet I find it to be too true in many of life's situations. 

One of my favorite descriptions of balance comes from author Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift of the Sea).  Lindbergh describes balance as "an alternating rhythm between… solitude and communion, between retreat and return."   There is joy to be found in balance; in that alternating rhythm. 
May we all know that joy.

Long Time No Blog!

One of my congregants recently expressed concern over my not having posted anything in the past two months.  She wondered if I hadn't had any joy in my life to blog about.  I assured her that was not the case.  Maybe there's been so much joy, among other things not so joyous, that I haven't stopped the merry-go-round long enough to post.  That's both a confession of sorts and a reminder to myself that blogging is a type of spiritual practice like any other.  It can hardly be called a 'practice' if engagement isn't on a regular, and even routine, basis!

What is your spiritual practice these days?  Do you find yourself getting caught up in the daily drama of life to the point that your practice is out of practice?  Maybe some types of spiritual practice are a wee bit more difficult to keep up with.   But I have to admit that it strikes me funny when I read my own writing that claims blogging is a spiritual practice.  Even with my Kindle, smart phone, and Facebook account, I struggle to keep up with today's technology and the latest communication tools.  But blogging can be a spiritual practice not unlike keeping a journal.  Of course the difference is that blogging is a public practice!  I've begun contemplating the idea of public vs. private spiritual practice and am feeling a bit ambivalent about the whole thing.    Is it necessary, or at the very least advisable, for a minister to have a public spiritual practice?

Here's where I atone for my blogger backsliding.  I have decided to commit to my spiritual practice of blogging by posting one sentence every day during the month of May.  That one sentence will share where I found joy in my life that day.  I'll also try to write a more extensive post on a weekly basis.  No doubt there will be days when I'll be posting at the eleventh hour with toothpicks holding my eyes open, or even lamenting, "Where's the damn joy in this?".   But you can always check in and see if I've stayed true to my commitment.

Notice the questions in this post?  Those questions are for YOU!  Let's dialogue.  I'm waiting to hear from you.  And please do not follow my bad example and wait two months to reply!

Palindrome hits home

A dear congregant included me in an email she sent out some weeks ago with the following youtube video attached. It had been sent to her from other friends with this message: "This is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old. The contest was titled "u @ 50" by AARP. This video won second place. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause. So simple and yet so brilliant."

I vaguely remember learning about palindromes and can't remember when I last saw/read one.  I was intrigued, as I hope you will be, when I learned that this 1 minute and 44 second video is a palindrome!  Just in case you've forgotten, a palindrome reads the same backward as forward. This video reads the exact opposite backwards as forward. Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite.


The reason that I've chosen to share this video on my blog is because I found the idea clever and the message powerful.  I'm not that far from being 50 years old myself, and reading, as well as hearing, the words of this 20 year old, inspired me and brought me joy.  The video has actually reminded me to live in the skin of my best self, to act from the depths of my compassion, and to nuture & reinvigorate my own creativity.  Wow!  That's quite a tally of lessons learned from one brief AARP-sponsored video contest winner, isn't it?

Sharing those moments and events in our lives that do teach us something valuable, make us think, inspire us, or challenge us, is important.  And sometimes those "moments and events" are emails!  I think it's great that through the use of technology we can share with people all over the globe.  Our idea of community widens and our ability to share and care is broadened.  This is the positive and productive side of social networking and twenty-first century technology.  It's so nice to focus on the positive.  And that's just what this palindrome did for me.

Take a minute and forty-four seconds to watch the video and see if there might be a lesson for you, or perhaps just a bit of inspiration, comfort, challenge, or even joy!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Please let me hear from you.  I want to know what you think.

Prop 8 isn't over!

If you haven't already read "The Conservative Case for Marriage Equality" in Newsweek magazine, please do so.  It doesn't matter whether you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian, religiously progressive or conservative.  This is an article worth reading. 

www.newsweek.com/id/229957

Living in California, and as a minister with the authority to sign marriage licenses, I feel very invested in the Prop 8 trial and the struggle for marriage equality that affects so many same sex couples and their families.  I have blogged about this issue before, have made a public stand and refuse to sign any marriage license until there is marriage equality in this state.  I have also contributed my time and my finances to the cause.  For every social justice issue that we face, each of us needs to reflect on our own heart and act in a way that demonstrates our best self - a person of compassion and respect.  Each and every one of us is called by our best selves to do whatever it is that we are capable of doing.  The marriage equality issue is no exception.

The struggle is difficult and there is fear, anger, and confusion on both sides of the issue.  But the bottom line is not a biblical passage taken out of context or a particular religious persuasion.  The bottom line is that each and every citizen of this country are afforded fundamental rights by way our our country's consitution.  From the article mentioned:  "The United States Supreme Court has repeatedly held that marriage is one of the most fundamental rights that we have as Americans under our Constitution. It is an expression of our desire to create a social partnership, to live and share life's joys and burdens with the person we love, and to form a lasting bond and a social identity. The Supreme Court has said that marriage is a part of the Constitution's protections of liberty, privacy, freedom of association, and spiritual identification. In short, the right to marry helps us to define ourselves and our place in a community. Without it, there can be no true equality under the law."

You can keep an eye on the Prop 8 trial by following the Prop 8 Trial Tracker: http://prop8trialtracker.com/

Social change is never easy work.  It never happens overnight and it never happens without some discomfort, frustration, and at least a few tears.  But there is joy in change, and I look forward to the day when I can join my sisters and brothers in joyful celebration of marriage equality!

Let me hear from you.  I would appreciate reading your comments on the article and this post.

Aching Hearts

It is hard to imagine living in abject poverty.  It's hard for most of us, that is.  It's even harder to imagine that in that life of poverty the ground shakes, the earth shifts, and a deeper devastation becomes reality.  To see the coverage, to hear the stories, to feel the loss of the Haitian people is nothing less than heart breaking.  I do wonder how people like Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh are considered fully human when it appears by their actions and their speech that a heart is not to be found within them.  To belittle, mock, and dismiss our sisters and brothers who are suffering incredible loss is nothing short of shameful.  On a very different level, my heart aches with sorrow for Robertson and Limbaugh.  But this post is not about the heartless! 

Sitting in sorrow and bemoaning the tragedy  of Haiti may be understandable, but that time is over.  Sitting and bemoaning is no longer an option.  It is time to act, to do, to be people of compassion and hope.  Each of us can do something.  Even my fifteen-year-old son was able to text on his phone and give $10 to help.  Can the rest of us not do at least the same?

Joy is not found in seeing anyone suffer.  Joy is not found in sending soap or water or money.  Joy is in living with compassion and hope that is deep enough to be shared infinitely. 

I'd love to hear how you are responding to the plight of our Haitian sisters and brothers.  Share your thoughts and share your joy.

Pushmi-Pullyu Epiphany (from today's sermon)

A world-renowned veterinarian, who speaks a wide array of animal languages, including Dodo and unicorn, starts off from his home in Puddleby-on-the-Marsh, England, in search of the Great Pink Sea Snail. The Great Pink Sea Snail is an amazing creature you could actually ride inside! In his adventures, the vet and his friends meet other amazing and exotic creatures like the Giant Moon Moth and the Pushmi-Pullyu. I am referring to Dr. Doolittle - my favorite movie as a child. I saw the film when I was just five years old and it has remained a favorite film; a delightful mix of fantasy and reality. I’m pretty sure the reason I’ve always loved it so was because I’ve never been a big fan of cartoons and animation. I like to watch “real” people and animals, albeit the Dr. Doolittle story is much more fantasy than reality!

But I don’t know why my favorite animal was the Pushmi-Pullyu. If you’re not familiar, the Pushmi-Pullyu was an imaginary creature resembling a llama or an antelope, but with a head at both ends. I have often felt like the Pushmi-Pullyu in my life. Being pushed one way and yet pulled in the opposite direction at the same time. Feeling as though my heart is being pushed and pulled in two different directions; not quite sure which of the two directions to follow, or which area to put my full energies to. I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m not alone in feeling this way. It’s interesting to note that in extended usage, the name ‘Pushmi-Pullyu’ is used to mean something which is ambivalent or incoherent. Wow, that’s not how I want to live this New Year, or start this new decade!

While I have no desire to continue the Pushmi-Pullyu dance of life in 2010, inevitably that’s what winds up happening – pushing some things away and yet pulling some things closer, all at the same time! The problem is that the Pushmi-Pullyu doesn’t get anywhere. With all the pushing and pulling, the Pushmi-Pullyu winds up right where it started because the pushing and pulling are too deeply entwined.

Life is indeed a dance. It is a dance of balance, of follow and lead, of spin, bow, bend. But perhaps it’s time to drop the Pushmi-Pullyu moves and try something new. It’s the dance that includes letting go before grabbing on. After all, from my life experience, I know it to be true that one can only hold as much as one is willing to let go of, in order to make room. What a great time for making room – the New Year.

And here we are on the first Sunday in 2010. In the Christian calendar the Feast of the Epiphany will be observed on Wednesday, Jan. 6. It will be the "Twelfth Day of Christmas", the last official day of the Christmas season (and you were breathing a sigh of relief thinking it was already over). Prepare yourselves as this is the day when your true love gives you "twelve drummers drumming"!

The epiphany comes from the biblical story familiar to many. It is the tale of the wise men, or magi, and it speaks of an awakening. Epiphany means the sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something; a sudden intuitive leap of understanding. For our lives today, epiphany is an ‘a-ha’ moment in our journey. Each year of our life offers us a new stretch of road to travel and the opportunity to experience epiphanies. Some of those epiphanies may arrive through much turmoil and struggle, crisis and loss. And some of those epiphanies may not seem so sudden at all. But we can’t experience the epiphanies in our lives if we choose to live as the Pushmi-Pullyu. We are guaranteed to miss the epiphany if we live with ambivalence or continue the old, familiar dance of push and pull; grabbing without also letting go.

I encourage you to spend some time in these first few days of the New Year pondering these questions: What new epiphany is waiting to be realized in your life right now? What do you need in order to reach out and grab what’s waiting for you? What do you need to change or end in order to make room in your life for the new to emerge? What do you need to let go of?

There is joy in the dance called life. May you find that joy, let go, grab on, and be blessed with epiphanies in 2010!

A light in the dark

Yesterday, I led a worship service that focused on the celebration of the Winter Solstice.  It never ceases to tickle my fancy when I share with the congregation that the origins of what most people call "Christmas" have pagan roots.  I enjoy reaching back into ancient history and connecting with those roots.  It is in the honoring and celebrating of the Winter solstice that I take time to consider the importance of darkness in my life.  This is a time when I embrace the darkness with full hope of the light returning.

I won't pretend that embracing the darkness is easy, or even 'enjoyable'.  The darkness can be painful.  It is loss, crisis, transition, turmoil, and uncertainty.  But the darkness is also a time for pause; for regrouping; for resting; possibly for re-evaluating life and what is truly important.  I am learning to embrace the darkness with faith that the light will return.  I have come to know, through my own dark times, that the light of love is never completely absent, even in the darkness.  It is germinating and gaining strength for the day when it will blossom once again.  That's what the holiday season is all about - the light of love ready to be born anew in our lives. 

Whether your celebration is about a baby named Jesus, or oil in a lamp, or the sun returning as the wheel of the year is turned, or any other number of special traditions and rituals, be not afraid of the dark.  Know that each and every one of us experiences darkness.  It has been a part of the life cycle since the beginning.  May the light of the holidays remind us all of the light of love that comes after the darkness; bringing us peace and opening the door to joy.

 

When I Grow Up I Want To Be An Old Woman

I have always had an affinity for the elderly.  It's true.  Two of my best friends, when I was just seven years old, were elderly sisters who lived next door.  They would have been referred to as "spinsters", but to me they were facinating and, quite frankly, often more fun to be with then children my own age! 

In my congregation, if you are eighty years old, or older, you can attend a special tea that is held every few months for the church elders.  If you are lucky enough to be the partner of an elder, you can attend too!  It is a highlight of my ministry.  Hosting the Minister's Tea means setting a table of delectable goodies, planning singing or sharing or games, always having a couple of prizes to give away, and settling in for a very special afternoon of  fellowship with my heroes.  Being in the presence of such wisdom and incredible life stories is a gift beyond joy.  I ask myself, "How did I get to be so fortunate to be able to serve these women and men as their minister?" 

This may all sound a bit saccahrine, I know.  But if you were there......  If you sat at the table and sipped coffee or tea with these elders......   If you listened and watched as they shared the photos of themselves as youngsters.....   If you felt their sense of triumph as they told about turning points in their lives......  If you...  Well, all I can say is, when I grow up I want to be an old woman! 
My Granny is 81 and gorgeous!

I posted just a few days ago about grandparents and how much I miss mine that had passed away.  There is a connection with grandparents and the elders in my congregation that I have tea with.  There's a connection between each of us and those who have gone before us.  I often get so busy with 'life' that I lose sight of all the struggles and sacrifices, and lessons learned and dollars earned by those who have gone before me.  All that those elders who are still with me have done to pave the way.  I owe a debt of gratitude for so much joy in my life today that was paid in part by elders.  I will thank them with words.  I will thank them by holding their memory in my heart.  I will thank them by living my life as best I can and growing into an elder that inspires others as I have been inspired.  I will repay my debt by finding joy, living joyously, and sharing joy with others.

Thank you, my dear elder friends.

Uncomfortable Joy

On Tuesday, I spent a lovely half hour or so speaking with a local television reporter. The reason for the conversation was an announcement I had made to my congregation just a few days prior. It was the announcement that I will refuse to sign any and all marriage licenses until marriage equality becomes a reality in California. When I made this announcement to my congregation, and in the many months of deep reflection that led to my decision, I hadn't thought about it being particularly newsworthy.


I have been interviewed a few times in the past year when the Prop 8 issue was hot and heavy. I traveled to the state capital and testified before lawmakers on behalf of the couples and families whose lives and relationships were being threatened. I spoke at a rally after the election when so many of us, gay and straight alike, were trying to copy with the pain of loss. Most recently, I agreed to serve on a statewide Marriage Equality Leadership Team steering committee. That is when I began to examine and question my actions as someone with the authority and power to sign marriage licenses; to validate a relationship between two loving individuals.

My decision to announce my personal 'protest' was not made lightly. As I shared with my congregation, taking the step out of my comfort zone wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. But the risk I took in making such a decision, and then making such a public announcement, pales in comparison with others who have taken risks to stand on the side of love.

The news reporter seems to think that this is indeed an important story to share and I am grateful for his interest. I can only hope that I made it clear to him, as well as to others with whom I've shared my decision, that my primary motive was not to change minds about marriage equality. I realize that may sound odd, but it was not my primary motive. If, as a result of my decision and perhaps as a result of someone hearing about it through this television interview, minds are changed, that would be a wonderful benefit. But my primary motive was about integrity and authenticity.

I was ordained as a minister in the Unitarian Universalist faith. It is a faith tradition with an incredibly rich heritage and history of women and men who have taken risks to speak out against injustice and who have taught me that compassion and respect are values to be lived and shared. That faith calls me to stand on the side of love. It does not call me to sit on the sidelines in my rocking chair of comfort. I am called to stand on the side of love no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it might be. How can I live my faith fully and answer that call if I continue to sign marriage licenses as an agent of a state that practices discrimination and oppression? Simply said, I cannot.


There is joy in my decision, as uncomfortable as it was to make it, and as uncomfortable as it may prove to be in the coming months. I know that there will be couples who will go elsewhere for an marriage officiant, either because of the inconvenience of having the county clerk sign their license or because they do not agree that all of our brothers and sisters deserve marriage equality. I know that there will be some members of my congregation who will disagree with my decision. There is another truth that I know. That truth says that in order to be true to my call as a Unitarian Universalist minister I need to walk the talk and take a stand.


I choose to stand on the side of love. I choose the uncomfortable joy.

65 years and counting!

It's been a while since I last posted, but that's not because I haven't found any joy lately! On the contrary I've had much joy and been inspired by some lovely people, places, and things.


On Sept. 20th, my husband and I celebrated 17 years of marriage - 17 years of joy mixed with struggle, pain, and lots of laughter. We didn't do anything special on our anniversary. Well, I guess I should say that we didn't do anything special on our anniversary that was private or "all about us". We spent our anniversary doing some of the usual Sunday things that a minister's family does. But when the afternoon rolled around we prepared to celebrate - celebrate another anniversary far more auspicious than our own. A dear couple from my congregation was celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary and I was conducting a vow renewal ceremony at that celebration.


Imagine a 50-something, heavy-set belly dancer, fully & tastefully dressed senior hula dancers, a high school bag pipe player, guests wearing plastic leis and big smiles, a beautiful mountain view, and a wedding couple in matching flower print garb. Throw in various whimsical treats found throughout the house and grounds, like a little chocolate fountain in the kitchen, a bubble-blowing machine on the roof, an incredible Paddington Bear collection in the living room, a DJ playing 1940's tunes exclusively, various finger foods and lots of sangria, and you've got the makings for a very unique party!

The vow renewal was short and sweet and included the two grown daughters of the lovely couple. There were giggles from the gathered family and friends when I pronounced them "husband and wife for life", and the kiss (yes, the groom insisted on kissing the bride as part of the ceremony) was enough to make anyone smile with tears in their eyes.

Because of our ages, I know that my husband and I won't make it to 65 years, but we are so grateful for the 17 we've had already and the many more we hope to have. We were inspired by the celebration and vow renewal of our dear friends and we received the great gift of joy that day - our anniversary day - that we will always remember.

Isn't it remarkable how someone else's joy can be so contagious that you not only catch it, you can't wait to infect yet someone else?! Here's to infectious, contagious, beautiful, everlovin' joy!

One year closer to 50!

Tomorrow marks 46 years that I have been a part of this world. Of course, that's 46 years of all kinds of joy, mixed with sorrow, confusion, anxiety, excitement, and occasional boredom! I've spent many years trying to recreate the "joy" that I felt as a child on my birthday. By that, I mean that I have bugged, nagged, and been a general nuisance to my husband and children; reminding them that my birthday was coming up, at least 2 weeks in advance. I made sure they knew the kind of cake I wanted and where to get it. This year is different. I've decided to enjoy my day as it unfolds, whatever it holds. And I must admit that I'm feeling good about it already!


Living in the moment sounds good, and may seem like an easy task. I've found it to be fairly difficult. I can imagine that there are probably many people like myself, who want life to look a certain way, feel a certain way, to the point that we expend inordinate amounts of energy and time on creating our 'ideal', only to miss out on so much of life's unexpected joys.

Birthdays are funny things. I know more people who say they dislike birthdays than those who say they like them. I know several people who claim, "I don't have birthdays anymore". Well, I've always loved them. No, I haven't "loved" getting older, but I love celebrations! And what better to celebrate than another year of life? But I do wonder how often people actually take time to reflect on what they've learned in the past year and what lessons they might take with them into the next year of life? I don't know that I've ever done that before. This year will be different. I will use this year's birthday lesson of letting go of expectations and enjoying life as it presents itself as a guide for my 47th year. Who knows? I might find even more joy in even more unexpected places!

The truth is that none of us knows how many more years we have to live. We don't know how many more birthdays we have to celebrate. May we enjoy, celebrate, and appreciate our life each day, each moment, each joy. Happy birthday to you!

Father Larry Lorenzoni: Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the
longest.