Valentine's Day Makeover

For those who were at Summit UU Fellowship yesterday for our worship service, this post will 'sound' familiar!  This is an excerpt from my sermon "Reimagining Valentine's Day".  To my mind it is important enough to repeat.  

My congregation has four incredible individuals who are currently serving as representatives to the statewide Marriage Equality Leadership Team. They helped with the special worship service and hearing their reasons for being involved in this work was moving. Contrary to what you might be thinking, only one of the four is gay. The other three are straight allies. One rep. got involved as a way to honor a lesbian friend who passed away recently. Another rep. has served our country in the armed forces and in the local police force; serving to defend our national and state constitution that calls for equality for all. I am so proud of these men and women! They inspire me. 

I do hope to hear from you, readers, as to who inspires you to stand on the side of love and take risks for the sake of others.  Please leave a comment on this blog, rather than send me a personal email.  It's nice for all those who are reading Pulpit of Joy to see what you have to say!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     I know that there are many people who don't care much for Valentine’s Day.  As one who does love the holiday, it's hard for me to empathize!  I have always loved Valentine's Day.  Maybe my inner child just refuses to grow up.  Maybe I get a kick out of giving my loved ones candy and heart-shaped cards.  Maybe I love the special attention I recieve from those who love me.  Maybe I'm just addicted to chocolate!  But I've been thinking for a few weeks about looking at this holiday as a day that embraces a love that goes beyond flowers, cards, and chocolate.  How about reimagining Valentine's Day?

Standing on the Side of Love is a Unitarian Universalist public advocacy campaign that has indeed called us (all people of faith)  to re-imagine this day as a national "standing on the side of love" holiday–a day that celebrates the power of love to transform communities. In case you are not familiar with this new campaign, you should know that it works with congregations and communities to confront exclusion, oppression, or violence based on identity – whether that identity has to do with sexual orientation gender identification, immigration status, religion race, ability or any other label that society uses to limit their rights. It's a powerful campaign with the potential to make a real difference in the world.  (You can check it out:  http://standingonthesideoflove.org/)

The love that is needed on Valentine's Day is one that takes risks for the sake of others. In a recent letter from Rev. Lindi Ramsden of the Unitarian Universalist Legislative Ministry of California,  she shares "Legend has it that the original Valentine was martyred at the hand of the Romans who arrested him for performing illegal wedding ceremonies for Christian couples. Marriage and religious liberty have had a long history."


Love requires that we boldly stand on its side; engaging in acts of salvation and liberation. It is imperative that the difference between liberal and liberating be known.  Ministers Marjorie Bowens-Wheatley and Mark Morrison-Reed have defined liberal as  “freedom to”, as in freedom to believe what you want or freedom to define your own spiritual path; while liberating means “freedom from”. Think freedom from the structures of oppression; freedom from the threat of harm or death; freedom from struggling just to stay alive or to keep your family alive.


“What is the depth of your love?” This question was asked by the scholar and activist, Cornel West. “What price are you willing to pay? What burden are you willing to bear? Be honest about it.” Standing on the side of love means taking a hard look at the depths of your love and looking into your own heart to find the answer to those questions.  Consider who it is that inspires you to stand on the side of love.  Maybe it is your daughter who is gay, or your nephew.  Maybe it's the same sex couple that live next door.  Maybe it's someone in your congregation or workplace.  Maybe it's a straight ally.

From Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” - "But though I was initially disappointed at being categorized as an extremist, as I continued to think about the matter I gradually gained a measure of satisfaction from the label. Was not Jesus an extremist for love: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Was not Amos an extremist for justice: “Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.” Was not Paul an extremist: “I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” Was not Martin Luther an extremist? “Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise, so help me God.” And Abraham Lincoln:”This nation cannot survive half slave and half free.” And Thomas Jefferson:”We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal…” So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice, or for the extension of justice?"

I will choose to be an extremist for love and will reimagine Valentine's Day from here on out.  How can I choose otherwise?

May all of my sisters and brothers know the joy of a liberating love. 

Palindrome hits home

A dear congregant included me in an email she sent out some weeks ago with the following youtube video attached. It had been sent to her from other friends with this message: "This is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old. The contest was titled "u @ 50" by AARP. This video won second place. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause. So simple and yet so brilliant."

I vaguely remember learning about palindromes and can't remember when I last saw/read one.  I was intrigued, as I hope you will be, when I learned that this 1 minute and 44 second video is a palindrome!  Just in case you've forgotten, a palindrome reads the same backward as forward. This video reads the exact opposite backwards as forward. Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite.


The reason that I've chosen to share this video on my blog is because I found the idea clever and the message powerful.  I'm not that far from being 50 years old myself, and reading, as well as hearing, the words of this 20 year old, inspired me and brought me joy.  The video has actually reminded me to live in the skin of my best self, to act from the depths of my compassion, and to nuture & reinvigorate my own creativity.  Wow!  That's quite a tally of lessons learned from one brief AARP-sponsored video contest winner, isn't it?

Sharing those moments and events in our lives that do teach us something valuable, make us think, inspire us, or challenge us, is important.  And sometimes those "moments and events" are emails!  I think it's great that through the use of technology we can share with people all over the globe.  Our idea of community widens and our ability to share and care is broadened.  This is the positive and productive side of social networking and twenty-first century technology.  It's so nice to focus on the positive.  And that's just what this palindrome did for me.

Take a minute and forty-four seconds to watch the video and see if there might be a lesson for you, or perhaps just a bit of inspiration, comfort, challenge, or even joy!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Please let me hear from you.  I want to know what you think.

Prop 8 isn't over!

If you haven't already read "The Conservative Case for Marriage Equality" in Newsweek magazine, please do so.  It doesn't matter whether you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian, religiously progressive or conservative.  This is an article worth reading. 

www.newsweek.com/id/229957

Living in California, and as a minister with the authority to sign marriage licenses, I feel very invested in the Prop 8 trial and the struggle for marriage equality that affects so many same sex couples and their families.  I have blogged about this issue before, have made a public stand and refuse to sign any marriage license until there is marriage equality in this state.  I have also contributed my time and my finances to the cause.  For every social justice issue that we face, each of us needs to reflect on our own heart and act in a way that demonstrates our best self - a person of compassion and respect.  Each and every one of us is called by our best selves to do whatever it is that we are capable of doing.  The marriage equality issue is no exception.

The struggle is difficult and there is fear, anger, and confusion on both sides of the issue.  But the bottom line is not a biblical passage taken out of context or a particular religious persuasion.  The bottom line is that each and every citizen of this country are afforded fundamental rights by way our our country's consitution.  From the article mentioned:  "The United States Supreme Court has repeatedly held that marriage is one of the most fundamental rights that we have as Americans under our Constitution. It is an expression of our desire to create a social partnership, to live and share life's joys and burdens with the person we love, and to form a lasting bond and a social identity. The Supreme Court has said that marriage is a part of the Constitution's protections of liberty, privacy, freedom of association, and spiritual identification. In short, the right to marry helps us to define ourselves and our place in a community. Without it, there can be no true equality under the law."

You can keep an eye on the Prop 8 trial by following the Prop 8 Trial Tracker: http://prop8trialtracker.com/

Social change is never easy work.  It never happens overnight and it never happens without some discomfort, frustration, and at least a few tears.  But there is joy in change, and I look forward to the day when I can join my sisters and brothers in joyful celebration of marriage equality!

Let me hear from you.  I would appreciate reading your comments on the article and this post.

Aching Hearts

It is hard to imagine living in abject poverty.  It's hard for most of us, that is.  It's even harder to imagine that in that life of poverty the ground shakes, the earth shifts, and a deeper devastation becomes reality.  To see the coverage, to hear the stories, to feel the loss of the Haitian people is nothing less than heart breaking.  I do wonder how people like Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh are considered fully human when it appears by their actions and their speech that a heart is not to be found within them.  To belittle, mock, and dismiss our sisters and brothers who are suffering incredible loss is nothing short of shameful.  On a very different level, my heart aches with sorrow for Robertson and Limbaugh.  But this post is not about the heartless! 

Sitting in sorrow and bemoaning the tragedy  of Haiti may be understandable, but that time is over.  Sitting and bemoaning is no longer an option.  It is time to act, to do, to be people of compassion and hope.  Each of us can do something.  Even my fifteen-year-old son was able to text on his phone and give $10 to help.  Can the rest of us not do at least the same?

Joy is not found in seeing anyone suffer.  Joy is not found in sending soap or water or money.  Joy is in living with compassion and hope that is deep enough to be shared infinitely. 

I'd love to hear how you are responding to the plight of our Haitian sisters and brothers.  Share your thoughts and share your joy.

A Time to Lean (excerpted and adapted from 1/10/10 sermon)

 “It doesn’t interest me how old you are…I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it…It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.”   from The Journey by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Loss is a common experience.  Everyone has experienced loss at some point, on some level, in their lives. I can imagine preaching several months' worth of sermons on the topic of loss/grief!  There are numerous losses that are not literal, physical deaths: divorce, job loss, financial crisis, relocation, health crisis, etc.  I was struck by something I read recently that asserted every loss is a death of sorts and we need to allow ourselves to grieve. I couldn't agree more.  Indeed, grief is the normal, natural and necessary inner experience of loss.  And in the best possible scenario, each person will grieve in a way that is normal and natural and necessary for their healing.

While it is quite interesting that some recent research has argued against the well-known stages of loss identified by Dr. Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining,  depression, acceptance, what is important to remember is that it is possible to pass through each stage more than once, and even be in more than one stage at a time. Grief is not a cut and dry process.  Grief is rarely neat and tidy; more often messy and complex.  I love what Unitarian Universalist minister, Christine Robinson, says about grief - "Perhaps it's about finding a new normal."

I would posit that none of us can make it on our own, most especially in times of loss and grief. We need each other to help us keep things in perspective and remind us what matters most.  This is a huge part of being in a religious community.  I did say "religious" community, not a social club, neighborhood group, or other type of community, as worthwhile as all of those may be.  Consider the definition of religion by a much respected Unitarian Universalist Statesman (my term of endearment for him) whose death just a few months ago deeply affected many people, the Rev. Forrest Church:  "Religion is our human response to the dual reality of being alive and knowing we will die."   Being part of a religious community such as the one that I am privileged to serve means engaging with each other in a process of responding to life, knowing that we won't have it forever.  We are a community of faith - trust -  that allows us to journey together in the questions, the uncertainty, love and hope.

While grieving is a journey, no one needs to be on that journey alone. Part of our healing is in the connection we experience with one another. The connection I speak of is an ability to lean on one another from time to time. In loss and grief there is a time to lean.  Religious community is more than just a shoulder to cry on or a meal delivered. A religious community can give those things and encourage you to continue your journey.
There will undoubtedly come a time when each of us will lean and when each of us will in turn let others lean upon us.  This is what it means to be fully human.

One of my dear seminary professors, the Rev. Dr. William Murry,  has said, "To be human is to know loss, and, indeed the more fully human we are, the more loss we will know and the deeper we will feel the losses for the more we love and care, the more we have to lose.” Those who do not have the blessing of a religious community in their lives may not be cognizant of the reality that to be human – to be fully human – means knowing loss while realizing strength by the gift of leaning on one another.   In this knowledge and in this experience there is joy.

That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief without dying
I went closer, and I did not die.
Surely God had His hand in this, as well as friends.
Still, I was bent, and my laughter, as the poet said, was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel (brave even among lions),“It’s not the weight you carry but how you carry it – books, bricks, grief – it’s all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it when you cannot, and would not, put it down.”
So I went practicing. Have you noticed? Have you heard the laughter that comes, now and again, out of my startled mouth?
How I linger to admire, admire, admire the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe also troubled – roses in the wind, the sea geese on the steep waves, a love to which there is no reply? "

(written by poet Mary Oliver after the death of her partner of over forty years)

May we all find the courage to touch the center of our sorrow and be with it for the time it needs us to. May we all have faith that healing will come.  May we grieve our losses and may we have the strength to lean.

Pushmi-Pullyu Epiphany (from today's sermon)

A world-renowned veterinarian, who speaks a wide array of animal languages, including Dodo and unicorn, starts off from his home in Puddleby-on-the-Marsh, England, in search of the Great Pink Sea Snail. The Great Pink Sea Snail is an amazing creature you could actually ride inside! In his adventures, the vet and his friends meet other amazing and exotic creatures like the Giant Moon Moth and the Pushmi-Pullyu. I am referring to Dr. Doolittle - my favorite movie as a child. I saw the film when I was just five years old and it has remained a favorite film; a delightful mix of fantasy and reality. I’m pretty sure the reason I’ve always loved it so was because I’ve never been a big fan of cartoons and animation. I like to watch “real” people and animals, albeit the Dr. Doolittle story is much more fantasy than reality!

But I don’t know why my favorite animal was the Pushmi-Pullyu. If you’re not familiar, the Pushmi-Pullyu was an imaginary creature resembling a llama or an antelope, but with a head at both ends. I have often felt like the Pushmi-Pullyu in my life. Being pushed one way and yet pulled in the opposite direction at the same time. Feeling as though my heart is being pushed and pulled in two different directions; not quite sure which of the two directions to follow, or which area to put my full energies to. I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m not alone in feeling this way. It’s interesting to note that in extended usage, the name ‘Pushmi-Pullyu’ is used to mean something which is ambivalent or incoherent. Wow, that’s not how I want to live this New Year, or start this new decade!

While I have no desire to continue the Pushmi-Pullyu dance of life in 2010, inevitably that’s what winds up happening – pushing some things away and yet pulling some things closer, all at the same time! The problem is that the Pushmi-Pullyu doesn’t get anywhere. With all the pushing and pulling, the Pushmi-Pullyu winds up right where it started because the pushing and pulling are too deeply entwined.

Life is indeed a dance. It is a dance of balance, of follow and lead, of spin, bow, bend. But perhaps it’s time to drop the Pushmi-Pullyu moves and try something new. It’s the dance that includes letting go before grabbing on. After all, from my life experience, I know it to be true that one can only hold as much as one is willing to let go of, in order to make room. What a great time for making room – the New Year.

And here we are on the first Sunday in 2010. In the Christian calendar the Feast of the Epiphany will be observed on Wednesday, Jan. 6. It will be the "Twelfth Day of Christmas", the last official day of the Christmas season (and you were breathing a sigh of relief thinking it was already over). Prepare yourselves as this is the day when your true love gives you "twelve drummers drumming"!

The epiphany comes from the biblical story familiar to many. It is the tale of the wise men, or magi, and it speaks of an awakening. Epiphany means the sudden realization about the nature or meaning of something; a sudden intuitive leap of understanding. For our lives today, epiphany is an ‘a-ha’ moment in our journey. Each year of our life offers us a new stretch of road to travel and the opportunity to experience epiphanies. Some of those epiphanies may arrive through much turmoil and struggle, crisis and loss. And some of those epiphanies may not seem so sudden at all. But we can’t experience the epiphanies in our lives if we choose to live as the Pushmi-Pullyu. We are guaranteed to miss the epiphany if we live with ambivalence or continue the old, familiar dance of push and pull; grabbing without also letting go.

I encourage you to spend some time in these first few days of the New Year pondering these questions: What new epiphany is waiting to be realized in your life right now? What do you need in order to reach out and grab what’s waiting for you? What do you need to change or end in order to make room in your life for the new to emerge? What do you need to let go of?

There is joy in the dance called life. May you find that joy, let go, grab on, and be blessed with epiphanies in 2010!

Good bye and good riddance!

I will admit it.  I'm doing the happy dance just thinking about 2009 leaving, and 2010 arriving!  Of course, I know there are lessons in all the crisis, and trauma, and ugliness, and sadness that was 2009.  Yes, I do know that there were times of joy and laughter, happiness and hope.  But I have never before felt so ready for a new year to begin; primarily because I can't wait to give the old year a swift kick out the door!

It's been a rough year for so many people that I know personally; family, friends, congregants, colleagues.  It's been a rough year for our country and for our planet.  2009 was a year I'll never forget but would never want to re-live.

And  here comes 2010!  It will likely hold some of the same sorrow and trials, but I'm hoping that I've learned a little something in 2009 that will help me to be a better person in 2010.  I'm hoping that what I have learned from the difficulties in 2009 will enable me to better handle the difficulties that may present themselves in 2010.  Is it too much to hope that others will have learned something too, and that they might also be better people and make better choices, and handle our interconnected lives with a bit more civility and compassion?  Don't get all cyncial on me now.  Let's say it together, "Yes, we can"!

There is joy is saying good bye to 2009.  There is even greater joy in saying hello to 2010, for the new year holds promise and possibility not yet experienced.

A congregant of mine sent out New Year's wishes that gave me a laugh.  I joyfully share with you: 
My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had, forget your home address!
In simple words ............ May 2010 be the best year of your life!!!

Time to chuckle

If you are in need of a good chuckle right now, check out the link below.

My family is happy to provide some laughs in this season that can be so stressful. Sometimes it's just plain old fun to laugh at yourself and feel like a kid again. We elf ourselves each year and this year we share our joyful silliness with you! Elf yourself and spread the joy!  http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/FB0F10JFhaTwFAC6

A light in the dark

Yesterday, I led a worship service that focused on the celebration of the Winter Solstice.  It never ceases to tickle my fancy when I share with the congregation that the origins of what most people call "Christmas" have pagan roots.  I enjoy reaching back into ancient history and connecting with those roots.  It is in the honoring and celebrating of the Winter solstice that I take time to consider the importance of darkness in my life.  This is a time when I embrace the darkness with full hope of the light returning.

I won't pretend that embracing the darkness is easy, or even 'enjoyable'.  The darkness can be painful.  It is loss, crisis, transition, turmoil, and uncertainty.  But the darkness is also a time for pause; for regrouping; for resting; possibly for re-evaluating life and what is truly important.  I am learning to embrace the darkness with faith that the light will return.  I have come to know, through my own dark times, that the light of love is never completely absent, even in the darkness.  It is germinating and gaining strength for the day when it will blossom once again.  That's what the holiday season is all about - the light of love ready to be born anew in our lives. 

Whether your celebration is about a baby named Jesus, or oil in a lamp, or the sun returning as the wheel of the year is turned, or any other number of special traditions and rituals, be not afraid of the dark.  Know that each and every one of us experiences darkness.  It has been a part of the life cycle since the beginning.  May the light of the holidays remind us all of the light of love that comes after the darkness; bringing us peace and opening the door to joy.

 

Tis the Season

     Tis the season to get overwhelmed!  That's what I say.  Or maybe that's just a good excuse for not posting to my blog in nearly a month.  Truth be told, I've been overwhelmed with much joy, in addition to the usual holiday stress. 
     Thanksgiving can be a difficult holiday when you've spent nearly forty years celebrating with lots of family and now it's just three around the table.  It's not that I'm not grateful.  I'm especially grateful that there are three of us to spend the holiday weekend together.  I'm grateful for the years of memories - Thanksgiving past.  I'm grateful to be healthy and able to make new memories.  But I'm also melancholy.  That's just the way it is.
     And now Christmas is nearing, with the solstice and other seasonal celebrations in between.  More to be grateful for.  More joy amid the chaos.  More opportunity to give to others.  Many of us give and receive many gifts at this time of year.  It starts with the gift of autumn and harvest and goes right into the new year.  Gifts of color in the leaves and landscape that delight our eyes.  Gifts of sweet and savory that delight our tongues and tummies.  Gifts of warmth that delight our chilled bones.  Gifts of harmonies that delight our ears.  Gifts that are exchanged, returned, re-gifted, and gifts that tickle our funny bone.  But the best gifts that we can receive and give are those that have no weight at all. 
     Here are the words about such gifts that have inspired my heart, from Richard Gilbert:
Gifts that matter have no weight. 
They are without substance.
Gifts that matter most are given to us by the Hand of Life in grace:
Moonlight on fresh-fallen snow,
Frost delicately etched on a window pane,
crackling fireside, bright because of who is there,
aromas of cooked food betokening a family feast,
reunion of those long separated,
memories of holidays past, gone but not forgotten,
anticipations of the new year yet to be,
gift-givers whom we love,
the gift of life itself.
Gifts that matter have no weight.

May each of us find joy in this season; giving and receiving gifts that have no weight!

When I Grow Up I Want To Be An Old Woman

I have always had an affinity for the elderly.  It's true.  Two of my best friends, when I was just seven years old, were elderly sisters who lived next door.  They would have been referred to as "spinsters", but to me they were facinating and, quite frankly, often more fun to be with then children my own age! 

In my congregation, if you are eighty years old, or older, you can attend a special tea that is held every few months for the church elders.  If you are lucky enough to be the partner of an elder, you can attend too!  It is a highlight of my ministry.  Hosting the Minister's Tea means setting a table of delectable goodies, planning singing or sharing or games, always having a couple of prizes to give away, and settling in for a very special afternoon of  fellowship with my heroes.  Being in the presence of such wisdom and incredible life stories is a gift beyond joy.  I ask myself, "How did I get to be so fortunate to be able to serve these women and men as their minister?" 

This may all sound a bit saccahrine, I know.  But if you were there......  If you sat at the table and sipped coffee or tea with these elders......   If you listened and watched as they shared the photos of themselves as youngsters.....   If you felt their sense of triumph as they told about turning points in their lives......  If you...  Well, all I can say is, when I grow up I want to be an old woman! 
My Granny is 81 and gorgeous!

I posted just a few days ago about grandparents and how much I miss mine that had passed away.  There is a connection with grandparents and the elders in my congregation that I have tea with.  There's a connection between each of us and those who have gone before us.  I often get so busy with 'life' that I lose sight of all the struggles and sacrifices, and lessons learned and dollars earned by those who have gone before me.  All that those elders who are still with me have done to pave the way.  I owe a debt of gratitude for so much joy in my life today that was paid in part by elders.  I will thank them with words.  I will thank them by holding their memory in my heart.  I will thank them by living my life as best I can and growing into an elder that inspires others as I have been inspired.  I will repay my debt by finding joy, living joyously, and sharing joy with others.

Thank you, my dear elder friends.

For the love of Grandma

Someone I know became a grandparent two weeks ago. Finally! She and her husband had been waiting for the day to come when their only child would have a child of her own and they would become beloved grandparents. I couldn't be happier for them! Yes, I love babies too! But this post is not about babies. It is about grandparents.

It was just a few weeks ago that I was thinking of my own grandparents. I have three who are no longer living, and one who is. I am one of the lucky ones - one of the lucky grandchildren who was provided opportunities to get to know and spend time with my grandparents as I was growing up. They didn't live close by and I didn't spend inordinate amounts of time with them, but the time that we spent together will forever be a part of my life. Even at forty-six years old, I miss my Papa and Grandmother & Grandad terribly. It's been years since they passed away but some days I find myself missing them to the point of tears. I love my Grandma and wish she lived closer. She is an inspiration to me - feisty even as she faces the sunset years of her life.

You see, a grandparent can be a very special person in a child's life. A grandparent's love is unique and precious. The wisdom and guidance that a grandparent can offer doesn't have to come from formal education, traveling the world, or socializing with the elite. My grandparents had little education, never traveled out of the country or very far from home, and lived what most people would consider a simple life.

I have always loved my grandparents, but never fully appreciated them until I became an adult. As an adult I began to understand the loving concern that my Grandmother had for me when she slipped little envelopes containing 'Dear Abby' columns about sex and relationships into my coat pocket. I began to understand the incredible work ethic that my Papa and Grandad had; working themselves to the point of exhaustion day after day in order to provide for their household. I began to understand that being Grandma didn't have to mean rocking in a chair and knitting. It could mean jumping on a trampoline and hanging from the monkey bars!

We are coming into the holiday season and I always have my grandparents in my mind and close to my heart at this time of year. Joy is having grandparents to love and to be loved by. Joy is having beautiful memories of grandparents whose lives help to shape your own. Hug your grandparent, call your grandparent, cherish the memories of your grandparent. Someday you might just have the honor of being a grandparent yourself! Be still my heart!

Uncomfortable Joy

On Tuesday, I spent a lovely half hour or so speaking with a local television reporter. The reason for the conversation was an announcement I had made to my congregation just a few days prior. It was the announcement that I will refuse to sign any and all marriage licenses until marriage equality becomes a reality in California. When I made this announcement to my congregation, and in the many months of deep reflection that led to my decision, I hadn't thought about it being particularly newsworthy.


I have been interviewed a few times in the past year when the Prop 8 issue was hot and heavy. I traveled to the state capital and testified before lawmakers on behalf of the couples and families whose lives and relationships were being threatened. I spoke at a rally after the election when so many of us, gay and straight alike, were trying to copy with the pain of loss. Most recently, I agreed to serve on a statewide Marriage Equality Leadership Team steering committee. That is when I began to examine and question my actions as someone with the authority and power to sign marriage licenses; to validate a relationship between two loving individuals.

My decision to announce my personal 'protest' was not made lightly. As I shared with my congregation, taking the step out of my comfort zone wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. But the risk I took in making such a decision, and then making such a public announcement, pales in comparison with others who have taken risks to stand on the side of love.

The news reporter seems to think that this is indeed an important story to share and I am grateful for his interest. I can only hope that I made it clear to him, as well as to others with whom I've shared my decision, that my primary motive was not to change minds about marriage equality. I realize that may sound odd, but it was not my primary motive. If, as a result of my decision and perhaps as a result of someone hearing about it through this television interview, minds are changed, that would be a wonderful benefit. But my primary motive was about integrity and authenticity.

I was ordained as a minister in the Unitarian Universalist faith. It is a faith tradition with an incredibly rich heritage and history of women and men who have taken risks to speak out against injustice and who have taught me that compassion and respect are values to be lived and shared. That faith calls me to stand on the side of love. It does not call me to sit on the sidelines in my rocking chair of comfort. I am called to stand on the side of love no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it might be. How can I live my faith fully and answer that call if I continue to sign marriage licenses as an agent of a state that practices discrimination and oppression? Simply said, I cannot.


There is joy in my decision, as uncomfortable as it was to make it, and as uncomfortable as it may prove to be in the coming months. I know that there will be couples who will go elsewhere for an marriage officiant, either because of the inconvenience of having the county clerk sign their license or because they do not agree that all of our brothers and sisters deserve marriage equality. I know that there will be some members of my congregation who will disagree with my decision. There is another truth that I know. That truth says that in order to be true to my call as a Unitarian Universalist minister I need to walk the talk and take a stand.


I choose to stand on the side of love. I choose the uncomfortable joy.

Sweet days of Autumn!

There is nothing like a beautiful drive to Julian, California, to bring immense joy to my life! Autumn has always been my favorite season, and living in San Diego has made it a bit challenging to reconnect with the season I love and associate with the smell of burning leaves and crackling logs in the fireplace; the taste of fresh apple cider; the sight of jolly orange pumpkins and speckled gourds; the feel of crispness in the air. This is where a drive to Julian comes in order.



I've been sitting around lately with my mysterious illness that is supposedly Epstein Barr virus, and longing for the energy that Autumn usually brings me. Even in San Diego, where the seasons are football, baseball, basketball, and you-name-it-ball, the air does change slightly and I convince myself that Autumn is here. But today I needed a jumpstart in the joy department and so convinced my husband, son, and dog, to take a drive. It didn't take much convincing. We all needed a little Autumnal joy! It was slightly thrilling to pack our jackets in the car as we headed out. All four of us excited at the thought of what was awaiting us just an hour away.


It never ceases to amaze me. Nature, that is. I will be the first to admit that I'm not really much of what you would call an outdoorsy type. But I can fully appreciate, and be completely awed at, the wondrous beauty of the mountains and the magnificence of the foliage. It is the natural world of earth, wind, fire, and air that inspires me to a place of joy and gratitude. I am grateful to be feeling better than I did a week ago and find joy in knowing that I will feel even better two weeks from now. I knew all along that I would feel better eventually; that I would return to the congregation that I love; that I am so blessed to have a loving family and caring friends. I knew it somewhere deep in my being and yet it took today's trip to the little mining town of Julian, for me to claim it.



May you be blessed with the inspiration and joy of nature in this season of Autumn, wherever you might live. Joy from Julian!

65 years and counting!

It's been a while since I last posted, but that's not because I haven't found any joy lately! On the contrary I've had much joy and been inspired by some lovely people, places, and things.


On Sept. 20th, my husband and I celebrated 17 years of marriage - 17 years of joy mixed with struggle, pain, and lots of laughter. We didn't do anything special on our anniversary. Well, I guess I should say that we didn't do anything special on our anniversary that was private or "all about us". We spent our anniversary doing some of the usual Sunday things that a minister's family does. But when the afternoon rolled around we prepared to celebrate - celebrate another anniversary far more auspicious than our own. A dear couple from my congregation was celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary and I was conducting a vow renewal ceremony at that celebration.


Imagine a 50-something, heavy-set belly dancer, fully & tastefully dressed senior hula dancers, a high school bag pipe player, guests wearing plastic leis and big smiles, a beautiful mountain view, and a wedding couple in matching flower print garb. Throw in various whimsical treats found throughout the house and grounds, like a little chocolate fountain in the kitchen, a bubble-blowing machine on the roof, an incredible Paddington Bear collection in the living room, a DJ playing 1940's tunes exclusively, various finger foods and lots of sangria, and you've got the makings for a very unique party!

The vow renewal was short and sweet and included the two grown daughters of the lovely couple. There were giggles from the gathered family and friends when I pronounced them "husband and wife for life", and the kiss (yes, the groom insisted on kissing the bride as part of the ceremony) was enough to make anyone smile with tears in their eyes.

Because of our ages, I know that my husband and I won't make it to 65 years, but we are so grateful for the 17 we've had already and the many more we hope to have. We were inspired by the celebration and vow renewal of our dear friends and we received the great gift of joy that day - our anniversary day - that we will always remember.

Isn't it remarkable how someone else's joy can be so contagious that you not only catch it, you can't wait to infect yet someone else?! Here's to infectious, contagious, beautiful, everlovin' joy!

History was made today!

AB1242, the Human Right to Water bill passed the CA state Senate today!

This is the first human right to water bill to ever make it through a state legislature in the US. This bill makes sure that all of our sisters and brothers in California have access to clean water. I did just a little work on lobbying for this bill through the Unitarian Universalist Legislative Ministry (UULM) of California. Some members of my congregation signed letters and many UUs have called their elected officials about this bill. What happened today is truly amazing. I am filled with joy to have been a part of this justice-making work. The bill will need approval of the Governor, so there's still work to be done. Check out UULM's website: uulmca.org
We can make a difference - every single one of us!

One year closer to 50!

Tomorrow marks 46 years that I have been a part of this world. Of course, that's 46 years of all kinds of joy, mixed with sorrow, confusion, anxiety, excitement, and occasional boredom! I've spent many years trying to recreate the "joy" that I felt as a child on my birthday. By that, I mean that I have bugged, nagged, and been a general nuisance to my husband and children; reminding them that my birthday was coming up, at least 2 weeks in advance. I made sure they knew the kind of cake I wanted and where to get it. This year is different. I've decided to enjoy my day as it unfolds, whatever it holds. And I must admit that I'm feeling good about it already!


Living in the moment sounds good, and may seem like an easy task. I've found it to be fairly difficult. I can imagine that there are probably many people like myself, who want life to look a certain way, feel a certain way, to the point that we expend inordinate amounts of energy and time on creating our 'ideal', only to miss out on so much of life's unexpected joys.

Birthdays are funny things. I know more people who say they dislike birthdays than those who say they like them. I know several people who claim, "I don't have birthdays anymore". Well, I've always loved them. No, I haven't "loved" getting older, but I love celebrations! And what better to celebrate than another year of life? But I do wonder how often people actually take time to reflect on what they've learned in the past year and what lessons they might take with them into the next year of life? I don't know that I've ever done that before. This year will be different. I will use this year's birthday lesson of letting go of expectations and enjoying life as it presents itself as a guide for my 47th year. Who knows? I might find even more joy in even more unexpected places!

The truth is that none of us knows how many more years we have to live. We don't know how many more birthdays we have to celebrate. May we enjoy, celebrate, and appreciate our life each day, each moment, each joy. Happy birthday to you!

Father Larry Lorenzoni: Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the
longest.

A dear friend and colleague posted the following video on Facebook. Thank you Fred! I didn't bother to look at it until today. I'm so glad I did. For me, it started out bizarre-scary, but then got to the point where I was laughing hysterically. That's a good thing!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6EYrqIn0yI

In difficult times, we need to laugh when we can.

Laughter brings me joy and this video just cracks me up.

Today it's difficult

This afternoon a congregant of mine died. While he wasn't in good health to start, this came rather suddenly and my heart has been heavy today. I grieve for his family. I grieve for the congregation, as this is the fourth death in just a few months time. Today it has been difficult to appreciate and embrace joy. It's not that it hasn't been there for me, it's just been difficult to reach out and grab it.

A sparkle of joy crept into my being this evening (I must have left the door open a tiny bit!) as I watched the local high school marching band practice their drill. Seeing nearly one hundred teenagers working so hard, with such amazingly positive attitudes, how could I not smile? Tonight I choose joy. Tomorrow may be just as difficult as today, but tonight I take a break from my grief and I choose joy - teenagers making music and marching with precision!

Joy and Sorrow

I found this great video the other day and posted it on Facebook. I hadn't thought much about posting it here, as I hadn't considered there being much joy connected with the video. As I've reflected on it, and gotten comments from others who have been touched by the video, I realize that once again this is an example of the sorrow and joy of life being linked together in ways that are not often obvious. Check out the video.

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3808

There is no joy in homelessness, but there is joy is being able to share a touching piece of art that may educate and inspire people to do something about homelessness. There is joy in knowing that this video was made with just $57 and yet won an award at a short film festival.

Opportunities to bring joy to others present themselves every day in our lives. Give someone a dollar or a cup of coffee, offer a smile or a hug, share a video!